Youth Etiquette Classes at the Historic Graber Olive House in Ontario

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette is now offering ongoing coed classes at the historic Graber Olive House in Ontario

Every student is encouraged to develop the social skills needed for smooth sailing throughout life!

The youth classes for ages 6 and up through the teens, are held every Sunday, 

from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. 

The $75.00 per student fee, includes foods to practice dining skills with and all necessary learning materials

           

Each student receives weekly session handouts to practice lessons taught when at home

The three, 2-hour session Etiquette Courses will cover: 

• Basic Manners 
• Introductions & Responses 
• Dining Skills & Table Manners (w/foods to practice dining skills) 
• Manners; Home & Abroad, Cultural Diversity, Respect for Others 
• Deflecting Peer Pressure, Tech Etiquette, “Thank you” notes 
• Social Media Manners, Cell Phone Manners, Text Manners, etc... 
• Making Eye Contact, Developing Great Posture & Good Grooming  

The Graber Olive House is located at
315 East Fourth Street, Ontario, CA 91764
909 983-1761

Hands-on training for utensil use with difficult foods is given weekly

       Questions? 
Email rsvpinstitute@gmail.com for a registration form. 
Or call The RSVP Institute of Etiquette 
at 

800-891-RSVP or 909 923-5650 

Payment by Check, Cash or PayPal is accepted

Etiquette and the Recipe for a Garden Tea-Themed Bridal Shower

A stunning shower gift from the mother of the bride-to-be was  this bouquet brooch to be used at the rehearsal: Said Peggy, "Rather than the traditional ribbon bouquet that many people make at the shower for the bride’s wedding rehearsal, I made a brooch bouquet out of brooches that were mine and I asked both grandmothers to donate a brooch as well. I made this about a month before the shower as it was a little time consuming. I presented it to Kelly just before she opened her shower gifts. I also gave little history on the significance and tradition of giving a brooch to a bride. It turned out very pretty and we had it sitting out next to the guest book at the wedding."

The etiquette rule used to be that the bride's family members could attend the bridal showers, but not host them, nor plan them in anyway. Those rules went the way of June Cleaver ~ They left the building.

Peggy, with her daughter Kelly, posing at the shower

Nowadays, family members do participate and sometimes in a pinch play hostess. In many cases they are "blended family" members now too. They also offer space if they have the house large enough to get everyone together in one place at one time.  This is no easy trick in the 21st century!

Sadly, illness kept me from attending the bridal shower, that was given  last August, for my niece. I had really been looking forward to it and when I later saw the photos and read about the details, I knew I had to post something on it. Also, January is National "Hot Tea Month." Did you know?

A garden tea luncheon was my sister in-law Peggy's idea. Peggy was playing off of Kelly’s wedding theme of a "Royal Garden Wedding" and Kelly does love tea. So the theme was not a complete surprise for Kelly. Her mother told her about some of the details, but not everything. She did want a few things left as surprises for her the day of the shower.

Peggy said, "I used Archive Rentals for the flowers and the place settings. I picked out mixed-matched floral china, silverware and stemware. I had cards printed with “As rosemary is to the spirit, so lavender is to the soul” and attached a fresh cut sprig of rosemary and lavender and tucked that into the napkin at each place setting." Simply gorgeous!

The table decorations and centerpieces were birdcages arranged with bright multi-colored flowers (these were then reused at the post-wedding cocktail area, though decorated with the same flowers selected for the wedding). Peggy had hoped to give them away to guests to take home, but it seems the florist’s helpers packed them up after the cocktail hour, and they were unable to get to them by the end of the wedding.

One of the many tables set with the bird cage floral arrangements.

Peggy has a very spacious home, and though she was not playing hostess to the shower, as a few of Kelly's closest friends were, she had enough room to use garden animal statues around the room, (frogs, turtles, birds, rabbits, etc...) and then mylar flower balloons that grouped around the statues. Peggy's idea was to create a whimsical garden indoors. She also used a few mylar butterfly and ladybug balloons to complete the look.

Kelly sat under a garden arch and Peggy suspended a crown with a veil in the arch. At the foot of her chair was a frog prince statue.

Bride-to-be Kelly opening one of many gifts.

For activities, a photo booth was created with fun accessories to use in the photos and an Instagram sign with Kelly’s wedding # to post the pictures was also used.

           

Kelly and friends mugging it up for the Instagram Photo Booth. (L to R) are Penney, Alexa, Kelly, Brenna, Casey, and Jamie

Peggy also had a table to create one's own tea: She set bowls out of different teas, and using provided tea bags, guests could scoop tea and make their own blends.

Said Peggy, "We also provided labels and tea tins that I had found, to put them in. This was a big hit!"

Each guest received a china tea cup and saucer (each one was different) along with detailed instructions on how to brew the perfect cup of tea. Also a tea pouch personalized with autumn leaves and “Falling in love” Kelly & Casey 10/4/14

   

Of course, Peggy asked good friend, Chef Cathy McKnight, to help with the menu and she provided everything as a gift to Kelly.

The cake looked fabulous. Peggy found the beehive cake pan at Victoria Trading Company online. After showing it to Cathy, it was made as a lemon pound cake with a lemon liqueur glaze. Cathy added the adorable honey spoon with the bee on it!

The Menu:

Quiche Lorraine

Quiche bacon & cheddar in potato crust

Egg salad on brioche

Chicken salad with green apples on croissant

Watercress & butter tea sandwiches on squaw bread

Aloha salad with fresh pineapple, macadamia nuts and poppy seed dressing

Mini cheesecakes

Lemon bars

Heath crunch brownie bites

"Frog Prince" cookies

               

Also served were iced tea, lemonade, a signature cocktail and Kelly’s favorite- Irish Breakfast tea.

Princess Kelly

Yum! Chef Cathy McKnight poses with her daughter, Shannon Quiring and good friend, Cindy Beck.

Bridal Shower Etiquette of Yesteryear

“Allied to the afternoon tea are various phases of informal daytime entertaining. For example, there is the "shower" for a bride-elect ("linen," "culinary," or what you will). A friend of the bride-to-be invites a coterie of girl friends to meet the guest of honor, giving each girl time to provide some beautiful or useful gift, the presentations to be made with amusing ceremonies.”

“The "thimble bee," a favorite diversion of the quiet matronly set, each one bringing her own bit of needlework to while away an hour or so in pleasant conversation. One of the number may read aloud, with pauses for comment at will. The thimble bee is a modern version of the good old-fashioned "spend the afternoon and take tea." Both the shower and the thimble bee may be given in the forenoon, if preferred." From 1919, Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette” 


A good many years ago a friend of a young woman who was about to be married decided that the only gift she could afford was too slight an offering to express the love and good wishes that she felt. Knowing that there were other friends who felt the same way she called them together and suggested that they present their gifts at the same time. Then and there the idea of the "shower" was born.

The custom has prevailed and in most instances to-day the shower has a special purpose, such as the linen shower or the kitchen shower or the book shower. It is a very charming way of presenting gifts that would seem too trifling if they were presented alone. Intimate friends of the bride are the guests at a shower. It is usually a very informal affair and nearly always a surprise to the bride. The gifts may be hidden in a Jack Horner pie, they may be wrapped in all sorts of odd packages, or they may be presented in any of a hundred and one attractive ways. Originality in this, as in all entertainments, is greatly to be desired.

The young lady who is honored with a shower thanks the guests verbally, and afterwards she may write each of them a little note expressing her gratitude. It is necessary to do so if the affair was an elaborate one and the gifts were expensive.” From 1924 Lillian Eichler's “Book of Etiquette / Volume I” 


“It is not uncommon for a bride-elect to receive a few engagement presents. (These are entirely apart from wedding presents which come later.) A small afternoon teacup and saucer used to be the typical engagement gift, but it has gone rather out of vogue, along with harlequin china in general. Engagement presents are usually personal trifles sent either by her own very intimate friends or by members of her fiancé's family as especial messages of welcome to hers—and as such are very charming. But any general fashion that necessitates giving engagement as well as wedding presents may well be looked upon with alarm by those who have only moderately filled pocketbooks!” From Emily Post's 1922, “Etiquette”

A Good Housekeeping Magazine article account of a 1907 bridal shower, courtesy of @GeroDynamics

             

Pepper Spray Etiquette for Husbands

My husband Cliff wanted us to both be safe, so he bought us each pepper spray.  I wanted us both to be safe, so I never took mine out of the package.

If you have never experienced pepper spray, or are thinking about carrying some pepper spray for safety, or simply trying some out just to see what it's like, the following are a few etiquette rules one should follow:
                                     

1. If you feel you must have pepper spray with you, put it in a safe place where it cannot accidentally be sprayed. A safe place would be any place a child cannot find it, or in a special spot. One example would be your glove compartment in your car, not a pocket full of other things like your keys, along with your cell phone, and other assorted miscellaneous items.
                     

Dawn helps save wildlife. It also helps save husbands!

2. If you accidentally spray your pepper spray on yourself after having it in an overly filled cargo pants, pant pocket, immediately, and extremely politely, ask a loved one (or a friend), to please go out and buy you copious amounts of Dawn dish washing liquid. Pepper spray is an oily substance, and as Dawn is used to clean sea life that have been victims of oil spills, it will help you tremendously. 
                    

3. Thank your loved one (or friend) profusely. Then, when the pain has subsided, send a handwritten thank you note along with chocolates, flowers, or possibly a bottle of wine. This is a nice touch, especially if your loved one had just returned from 5 long hours of Christmas shopping, and had to run right out again to buy you gallons of Dawn dish detergent.

Maybe you should keep this in your cargo pants pockets instead!

4. Do not use, for example, your wife's shower to wash the pepper spray off. Surprisingly, this can be construed as very impolite. Those soapy bubbles float all over the place, and when your wife then goes to take a shower, she may find herself with her face bright red and burning, as the bubbles taking the pepper spray off of you, floated onto her facial cleanser, shampoo and conditioner bottles, and basically the entire shower! Check into a hotel to shower or bathe. Or shower outside with a garden hose if need be. Whatever you do, do not attempt to clean yourself in your spouse's shower or bathtub.

Seriously... the stuff burns!

5. If your spouse's shower or bath are your only options, hire a professional cleaning crew in hazmat suits, to come in afterward and clean said shower or bathtub, as another apology and act of graciousness. You then should always be welcome to use the shower or bath anytime after that.

This stuff works really well, if slathered all over your wife's face a dozen times throughout the afternoon and evening, even if it is Christmas Eve and she's entertaining the family. At least it works well until a new package of supplies arrives from the Fashion Island Neiman Marcus cosmetics department. (Ask for Carole Logan. She'll help you out honey!)

6. If your spouse has just purchased shampoo, conditioner, Kiehl's facial cleanser, and other assorted items that are in the shower with you, politely explain that you will need to throw them all out, but you will purchase all new items to replace them. Make sure you follow through with purchasing new items as soon as possible, and throw in a couple of extra new goodies as an added act of goodwill.
                   

7. If you take your pepper sprayed clothing to be professionally laundered, kindly warn the establishment that the clothing has pepper spray on it. If they launder it with anyone else's clothes, they may find themselves named in an unwanted lawsuit.
            

These won't persuade anyone.

8. If you are goofy enough to take your wife's unopened package of pepper spray and attach it to your new key ring and keys, simply because you now, "know what to do if it happens again." Please laugh it off when your wife's friends, hairdresser and relatives think you are nuts. You can show them you have those handy wipes you bought off of the internet as proof that you are prepared for yet another pepper spray disaster.
             

As for me? I am sticking with this pet safe stuff.  Evidently it doesn't burn.

*Special Note for Physicians: If you are a physician, and your wife has been given pepper spray by a friend, please don't spritz it into a toilet to see what happens. Moments later, something will happen all the way back down the hall, into your office. You will experience a burning face and burning eyes. Just try to keep in mind, you were smart enough to get through medical school, and take relief in the fact that you were wise enough to not try this during office hours when patients were in the waiting room next to the restroom. Politely tell your wife she may not carry the pepper spray. It's up to you whether or not you want to tell her why.

Tying the Knot with Personal Style and Panache

Kelly's and Casey's first dance as a married couple.

Though the statistics tell us that fewer couples are getting married these days, and are merely cohabitating, my calendar and my Twitter feed paint a different picture; That tying the knot and weddings in general, are more popular than ever now. The most recent wedding I attended, was by far one of the most fun and the most unique weddings I have ever been too.

The Casey's groomsmen's waistcoats were ordered from the UK, as that was the only place my sister in-law and niece could find his family tartan.

Being a family member's wedding, my niece's to be exact, I thought it would be rather similar to my nephew's wedding back in March.  Both were at beautiful, beach locations (my nephew's wedding was at The Resort at Pelican Bay and my niece's at The St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort and both were fortunate to have unseasonably warm weather). Both had Irish and Italian traditions woven into the ceremonies and foods. Both my nephew and niece were marrying a "Casey." Both weddings were lovely. But that's where the similarities ended.

Kelly, with my big brother, at her engagement party and then dancing with her at the wedding reception.

Now, my older brother and I have always shared the same sense of humor. He shares it with his daughter as well. This wedding had Kelly's personality and sense of humor written all over it, along with her mother's excellent taste.

From the moment we arrived and were greeted with champagne, complimentary sunglasses (this was scheduled overlooking the beach at sunset) and took one look at the cover of the program, I knew this wedding would be fun. It was also a wedding at which we felt the hosts and bride and groom were actually honored by our "presence," (as the invitations generally read) and not simply our "presents," as so many weddings these days tend to make the guests feel.  

We mingled with family members we hadn't seen for ages, and by the time we sat down and looked through our programs, I knew we would remember this particular wedding very fondly.

Listed under "the cuteness" in the programs, were the ring bearer and flower girls. As one of the bridesmaids bowed out after becoming pregnant and realizing she'd have a 3 month old and wasn't quite sure what size she'd be for her dress, etc..., the bride's mother came up with the idea of having the new baby be a very young flower girl, with her "Flower Momma Escort" carrying her while escorting the next youngest flower girl who was only 4 years old. This was a first for me. Adorable!

The  "early drafts" of their "personalized vows" were funny and everyone was commenting on the Mad Libs... before, during and after the wedding ceremony.

The program's"early drafts" of their vows...

Exchanging the real vows (above) and the parents of the bride, Peggy and Kevin (below)

Not only was the reception dining room beautiful, but according to the enthusiastic St. Regis employee who showed us the way to the room, "Everything was brought in for this wedding! It's really something. Even the furniture in this lobby area was brought in! It is normally pretty empty, other than large potted plants." He then took us into the dining area, which was still being set up. He said he had wanted to see it after it was done, and he pointed to the two large family crests hanging on the wall. "Those were brought in specially for this wedding too. It's fantastic!" I had to agree. When I had lunch with my sister in-law and niece a few weeks back, they confirmed what I had been told about everything they had carefully chosen to suit them, right down to the furniture. 

The place settings were not only beautiful, but correctly done! Bejeweled menu cards corresponded to what each guest had picked for his or her main course: Red was for beef, a blue~green was for fish, etc... I loved the note of thanks to each guest at the table on the personalized place cards. Those were a nice touch!

Kelly and her mother, my sister in-law Peggy, went out and chose comfortable furniture to be brought in for those guests who wanted a break from the music or just wanted to relax peacefully after dinner, and away from the merriment. My brother and his wife had chosen seating for the eldest family members (the grandparents, great aunts, great uncles and such) so that they would not be sitting by any loud speakers blasting music at them, and so that they had easy access to and from the dining area. 

Large baskets with complimentary flip-flop sandals, in every imaginal size and color, were out in the lounge area after the dancing started, so that we could relieve ourselves of uncomfortable heels and dress shoes and really enjoy ourselves. "Alice in Wonderland" inspired treats and beer for guests to drink and nibble on, had tags hanging from them, reading "Drink Me" and "Eat Me" out in the lounge area too. Kelly and her mother, Peggy, really did think of everything to make their guests feel comfortable.

The Irish Ale was offered up with miniature cookies decorated with the Italian family crest.

But that was after a delicious dinner, along with entertainment by traditional Irish dancers, the traditional father daughter dance (my brother's speech and toast to the couple, was funny and touching... I really loved it) and a dance with the groom and his mother, the tossing of the bouquet and garter, a most unusual wedding cake of assorted goodies (Irish porter cake, Italian almond cookies, spumoni flavored macarons, chocolate, pistachio and cherry chocolate fountain and dipping bites), a taco bar, a cigar bar, and my personal favorite of the evening, grilled cheese sandwiches with thick cut bacon that were brought out by the wait staff to each table later in the evening. Those were delicious!

I asked Cliff, who often judges wines at local and international competitions, if he liked the wine choice and I got this goofy grin. I guessed that was a "yes."

With beautiful and carefully chosen floral arrangements, personal touches including nods to both the families' heritages, and every effort made to make sure the guests all were comfortable and had a good time, the O'Brian wedding experience is one that many a memory will treasure.

The bride and groom share a laugh before cutting the cake. I don't think I have ever seen my niece looking so happy and relaxed.

Dancing the night away.

The Pitfalls of First-Time Dinner Parties

David Copperfield attempting to carve at the table, but failing miserably as his wife, helpful dog right beside the meat, and his guest look on. Utensils and plates fall from the table, the dining area is in complete disarray... I guess maybe we have all had some miserable first attempts at hosting a dinner party. Here's hoping everyone's Thanksgiving dinners and celebrations come off more smoothly!

“OUR HOUSEKEEPING”

Charles Dickens’s picturesque story of the life of David Copperfield is a classic tale. When Copperfield marries his childlike bride, Dora, they set up housekeeping. Dora has few domestic skills and very little common sense, however. One of their first attempts at housekeeping was to invite David’s good friend Tommy Traddles to dinner. Dickens’s description of the ensuing scene is one of the most amusing dining scenes in English literature. Copperfield starts to recount the evening: “I could not have wished for a prettier little wife at the opposite end of the table,” but the table, and the entire room, are hopelessly cramped and cluttered. Their dog, Jip, is another distraction:

I could have wished ... that Jip had never been encouraged to walk about the table-cloth during dinner. I began to think there was something disorderly in his being there at all, even if he had not been in the habit of putting his foot in the salt or the melted-butter. On this occasion he seemed to think he was introduced expressly to keep Traddles at bay; and he barked at my old friend, and made short runs at his plate ...

All of this is quite hilarious and is captured in the illustration. Another problem in the ill-fated meal is that Copperfield fails in his attempt to carve the “boiled leg of mutton.” Carving was most often reserved for the master of the house or for distinguished guests. All gentlemen were expected to know the exact way to carve any dish before them. Etiquette books at that time were full of carving instructions for every type of fowl or animal. As he struggles with the joint of meat, Copperfield asks Dora about another dish at the table. Dora had innocently purchased a little barrel of oysters. In the mid-19th century, oyster-knives, and all other appropriate flatware, were laid on all of the best tables to suit a host's and hostess' menu. Alas, the Copperfields “had no oyster-knives—and couldn’t have used them if we had; so we looked at the oysters and ate the mutton.”

The Personal History of David Copperfield was originally published in London in serial parts in 1849-50.

New Coed Teen Etiquette Course

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette’s newest coed “Teen and ‘Tween” Course for ages 12 and up, at the Historic Graber Olive House in Ontario is in the evenings, starting Tuesday, July 29th and ending Wednesday July 30th. The fee for the two, 2-hour classes is $55.00 per student. Classes are from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. The fee covers the classes, foods & handouts. 

  

The classes focus on:

• Key Skills~ Basic Manners, including; Introductions & Responses

• Dining Skills & Table Manners (w/foods to practice dining skills) 

• Manners; Home & Abroad, Cultural Diversity, Respect for Others 

• Deflecting Peer Pressure, Tech Etiquette, “Thank you" notes

• Social Media Manners, Cell Phone Manners, Text Manners, etc... 

• Making Eye contact, Developing Great Posture & Good Grooming

   Questions? Email rsvpinstitute@gmail.com Call RSVP Institute: 909 923-5650 

                

 The Graber Olive House is located at: 315 E. Fourth Street, Ontario                             Phone  909-983-1761   

   

Registration forms with fee must be returned by July 28th to secure registration! For a form, please stop by the Graber Olive House or email Maura Graber at rsvpinstitute@gmail.com