Pea Knife Etiquette and History

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“What Have We Here? The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived from the Georgia Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond…

A most popular food with which to show off one’s knife dining skills was peas. Many people practiced lining peas carefully upon a steel knife blade, to “pour” into their mouths, much to the chagrin of spouses and parents. A few uncouth, but industrious people even invented and designed special, “pea knives.” It took, as gentle reminders, repeated news and magazine articles over the years to finally get the practice all but abandoned. – The Smart Set, 1921

An unused pea-knife photo and two unused articles, which were originally chosen for my new book. I thought I would share them here, as knife-eating was much more common in the 1700’s and 1800’s than most people understand. Peas were a staple of many diets, as was pea-flour. Two-tined forks were difficult to pick peas up with, so knife blades, which were wide and flat, with dull blades, made the perfect utensil for many to convey peas to the mouth. Back in the 1960’s, when I would go visit my grandparents, my grandfather used to entertain me by eating his peas from his knife. I found it tremendously funny, and he was quite good at it, but it annoyed my grandmother to no end! 

Friday, August 7, 1959 – The Daily Sun -A-5 – Pea-tiful Report

CHICAGO (UPI)-The Canned Pea Council reported that persons who eat peas with a knife must pick up 60 knife-fulls to eat a one-pound can of peas. The council said the average can contains 902 peas; the average pea-eating knife has a five-inch blade and will hold 15 peas. It figures two peas probably will be dropped.

Dining with Dignity –

Dear Sir: I have been troubled with palsy and find it very hard to get a good knifeful of peas up to my mouth. I was compelled to use a spoon, but somehow they don't taste the same. I saw your advertisement in the Echo and I bought a safety pea knife and I want to tell you it's solid comfort. I can't shake them off. God bless you. John Applegate.-From a Vermont paper, 1927

A page from the book, 

What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...

Some History of Etiquette from 1901

The article below was written nearly a century and a quarter ago. Reading this, one has to wonder what people will think of our etiquette a century and a quarter from now!

Etiquette is a form of fashion more important than style in dress, for the reason that the varying codes of manners have influenced morals, something changing the cut of a coat cannot be said to have done. When etiquette demanded that a gentleman accept a challenge or acknowledge himself a coward in the minds of his fellow citizens, it encroached sharply upon ethics. Now that it has gone out of fashion to kill, gentlemen find small difficulty in keeping the sixth commandment. The less formal etiquette becomes, the less wanton taking of life there is among those who consider good breeding of consequence. 

As the civilized race now stands, either man or woman can be refined, regardless of shape of hat he or she wears. This was true in any century, but 200 years ago and back of that period a gentleman and lady could, according to approved etiquette, gobble food with their hands from a common dish set in the center of the dining table and filled with the entire fashionable bill of fare prepared for the occasion. Gratefully we now acknowledge such proceedings to he “bad form” and in so doing pronounce ourselves two centuries removed from the table manners of swine and one point away from that brute, no matter how similar to him our turn of mind may remain in some other respects.–National Magazine, 1901

Gilded Age Dinner Host’s Duties

Above- Two gilded age or late 19th century, sterling silver, Saratoga Chip servers – One with a plain sterling bowl and the other with a gilded bowl to protect the silver from the salty potato chips.
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 Gilded silver, also called “silver gilt,” or “parcel gilt,” or “vermeil,” is a thin layer of gold on silver to beautify the flatware, or whatever the item may be, but more importantly, in my opinion, it is to protect the silver from corrosive elements it may encounter. Salt is extremely corrosive, as is citric acid or other acidic foods or beverages.

To perform faultlessly the honors of the table is one of the most difficult things in society; it might indeed be asserted, without much fear of contradiction, that no man has as yet ever reached exact propriety in his office as host. 

When he receives others, 

• He must be content to forget himself; 
• He must relinquish all desire to shine, and even all attempts to please his guests by conversation, and rather do all in his power to let them please one another.  
• Help ladies with a due appreciation of their delicacy, moderation, and fastidiousness of their appetites; and 
• Do not overload the plate of any person you serve.  
• Never pour gravy on a plate without permission.  It spoils the meat for some persons. 
• Do not insist upon your guests partaking of particular dishes; 
• Never ask persons more than once, and never put anything by force upon their plates. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press one to eat of anything. 
• The host should never recommend or eulogize any particular dish; his guests will take it for granted that anything found at his table is excellent. 
• The most important maxim in hospitality is to leave every one to his own choice and enjoyment, and to free him from an ever-present sense of being entertained.  
• You should never send away your own plate until all your guests have finished. - From Samuel Wells’, “How to Behave,” 1887

Gilded Age Settings and Oysters

A Gilded Age, 6 course, formal place setting, set for oysters as the first course.

As “What Have We Here?” at 162 pages, is 4 times longer than “Reaching for the Right Fork,” I could not use every photograph I took for the book. It would be too long. I will therefore be occasionally adding some of the photos which were ultimately unused to my blog posts. Here is one above, showing a Gilded Age formal place setting, set for a first course of oysters. 

Oyster forks, or any cocktail forks, can be properly placed in 3 different ways:

1. As the first of 3 forks to the left of a setting.
2. At the far right of a place setting, laying flat on the table next to the soup spoon or first knife, whichever utensil to be used afterward.
3. Or resting at an angle, with the small tines resting in the bowl of the soup spoon.

In the setting above, the oyster fork rests at an angle in the soup spoon, or the 3rd option. This positioning was to help those dining at crowded Gilded Age tables deal with an ever-growing list of specialty utensils at each place setting. The fork on the far left of one setting could be mistaken for the first fork expected for many foods for the diner on the right. 

At the same time, the decision had just recently been made by the arbiters of good taste during that time period in the U.S., to no longer allow four forks on the left, but to limit them to three. Those not up to snuff on the most recent etiquette rules, whether hosting a dinner or as a guest at one, could be confused. Laying it at an angle with the tines resting in one’s soup spoon bowl, alerted that guest that the fork belonged to him or her and not the place setting to the right.

This below is a page from the book, “What Have We Here?”: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...

 

“What Have We Here?” is Here!

What Have We Here? The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...

I have spoken about writing this book for the last few years, and finally the book is now here, available on Amazon. It was a labor of love and I enjoyed every moment of photographing the items I carefully chose to write about, many of which are on the front cover. 

There is a lot of information on Gilded Age etiquette (in anticipation of the upcoming Julian Fellowes’ program now filming for HBO in New York 😉) along with Georgian Era and Regency Era etiquette, etc… The crazy thing is that it took me several weeks to receive my author copies, but during my wait, people around the world were posting the most wonderful reviews on Instagram! Especially in Italy, where I have made several new friends.  

Of course there are plenty of utensils in the book. Favorites are Edwardian era cayenne pepper spoons, like this sterling one example below, from 1905.

               

Gilded Age chocolate spoons with a chocolate muddler, demitasse-sized trembleuse and pots de creme cups.

Many other items which are not utensils, but were part of everyday lives, are shown coming from the 1700’s through the early 1900’s. And, of course, there is a lot of etiquette included throughout, including place settings and proper use of glasses and dishes.

The Graber Olive House and beautiful late Spring weather offered a perfect backdrop for much of my photography.

Etiquette for gloves and glove stretchers like this Bailey, Banks and Biddle, sterling silver glove stretcher in the form of a duck, is one of my favorite items. Gloves and glove etiquette figure prominently in the book. And the section on napkins and gloves in the Gilded Age with the appropriately named, “napkin burrito,” is a must read and see!

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I want to thank all of the readers who have already purchased the book. Your incredible reviews online and Instagram have meant more than you know and make what I do all the more worthwhile!

I’ll Be Back Soon

I will be back soon! In the meantime, you can read all sorts of ad-free etiquette and etiquette related articles, curated by me, on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Graber Olive House in Ontario California is still closed, due to Coronavirus concerns. We are sorry we cannot offer our Etiquette Seminars or Classes at this time. For Online Zoom Classes, please email us at RsvpInstitute@gmail.com

New Youth Etiquette Classes for March!

Etiquette and Agony Aunt Advice

“Once upon a time two women went room hunting in a lodging house at a certain summer resort...” Not these two, but two others. – Ruth Cameron was a no-nonsense, “Agony Aunt” who had and advice column called “The Morning Chit-Chat” in early 20th century newspapers.

Sensitiveness May Be Cowardice

ONCE upon a time two women went room hunting in a lodging house at a certain summer resort. At one house they were shown a very pleasant room, neat, attractive, well furnished and fairly reasonable in price, and the woman for whom the search was being conducted seemed almost persuaded. “I like this room immensely.” she said to the hostess, who had been unusually agreeable and courteous in showing the room. “I am almost sure I will take it, but I must consult my husband. I’ll let you know by Thursday.” 

That was Tuesday. On Wednesday another house hunter came to this house and fairly fell in love with the room in question. She was told that another party had the refusal of it. She urged the hostess not to mind that. “If you will only let me have the room, I'll take it today for the whole summer,” she promised. But the hostess, being new at the business, and having an unusual sense of honor, said she must wait until she heard from the other party. Whereupon the applicant, not being in a position to wait, went elsewhere. That was two months ago. The woman who had the refusal of the room has not telephoned yet. Needless to say, she never meant to. Indeed, she was scarcely out of earshot before she confided to her companion: “I knew that room wouldn’t be big enough, but she was so pleasant that I didn’t want to tell her that. I am so sensitive.”

“But won't you hate to telephone?” inquired the companion. “Oh, my dear, I shan’t telephone her. If she doesn’t hear by Thursday, she’ll know I’m not coming. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive (with a smile that showed how proud she was of just that), but I simply can’t bear to hurt people’s feelings.” Do you know what that woman reminds me of? Of the kind of folks who are so sensitive that they can't bear to chloroform or otherwise dispose of their pet cats, but are quite willing to leave the poor creatures to shift for themselves and probably be killed by dogs or die of starvation or rabies. 

You don’t see the parallel between the two? I do. They both display that peculiar kind of tenderheartedness which makes its possessor cruel instead of kind. Do you know whose feelings that woman was really afraid of hurting? Simply her own. She didn't want to make the effort of saying a firm, decided “No,” so she shiftlessly slid out of the situation in that cowardly way. When the fear of hurting anyone’s feelings makes you deceitful and blind to their best interests, you may be pretty sure that it’s your own feelings that you are really guarding. 

Suppose a surgeon should look at a mortifying finger and say, “I know I ought to cut that off, because, if I don’t, the trouble will spread to the whole arm, but I can't bear to hurt the patient.” Suppose a doctor should say, “I know that’s the only medicine that will cure the patient, but it’s so bitter I hate to ask him to take it.” The tenderneartedness that is straightforward, honest and cruel to be kind, if necessary, is certainly a virtue, but the sentimental, deceitful tenderheartedness that is kind, and thereby cruel, is very much nearer a vice. — By Ruth Cameron, 1912 

New Etiquette Classes for Teens

Our newest etiquette classes for teens begin at 6:45 p.m. on July 2nd at the Graber Olive House in Ontario. Call 909-923-5650 for more information or stop by the Graber Olive House to fill out a registration form.

Easter Greetings and Blessings

When I was little, my sisters and I always got a new bonnet, dress, and sometimes new white gloves or a small handbag for Easter. It was tradition. It was a spring ritual. It was the fashion etiquette for all baby boomer girls. And nearly every little girl I grew up with, enjoyed that same springtime rite. It was something to look forward to every year, just like “Back to School” clothes in the autumn.

By the the time I reached middle school, however, those de rigueur Easter bonnets and white gloves for girls, fell out of fashion. In 1969, tweens and teens wouldn’t be caught dead in them! A new dress was still desirable, however. I have a photo of myself, standing with my grandmother on her front lawn, while wearing a now cringeworthy, “Marcia Brady” style, robin’s egg blue dress and shoes. They were very much in vogue at the time and I remember happily picking them out at the mall, excitedly looking forward to Easter vacation with my grandparents in Los Angeles.

 Though I no longer get a new Easter bonnet every year, Easter is still one of my favorite holidays. Maybe it is the religious roots that were planted and took hold as I grew up. Or, possibly, it’s the new life and birth of spring, with the bunnies, chicks and lambs. After all, both my son and daughter were born in the spring, and every few years my daughter’s birthday lands on Easter weekend. 

It could be that all of the family tries to get together, like with Christmas, but without all of the stress, anxiety or depression. Mostly, I think it’s that I so fondly remember spending the “Easter vacation” of many school years at my grandmother’s and grandfather’s home. (It wasn’t called “spring break” back then) It was the one week a year I could play “only child” and I made the best of it. The weather was always pretty nice, too, so that was a bonus. 

Looking at it now, I’m thankful to have all of my siblings. Two of us, along with our spouses attended a cousin’s wedding yesterday. As Cliff and I drove home, it dawned on me what a blessing it is that all of my siblings are still living, as are both of my parents. Our cousin hasn’t been as fortunate as my brother and me. Both of his siblings and both of his parents are all deceased. His mother was the most recent to pass away. My older brother and I were the closest thing to siblings he had in attendance. But, our cousin is certainly blessed as well. His new bride made it a point to tell us (twice) that they would be coming to visit soon, and she hoped we’d get together often, as she believes family is important. She’s right. And I couldn’t be happier for them. Easter blessings, indeed!

A Baby Boomer Easter – Me, in my new Easter bonnet, holding my basket, with three of my four siblings, along with our mother on Easter Sunday, circa 1960.  

A Downton Abbey Etiquette Rant

An open letter to Mariana Fernades on Screen Rant, regarding her April 13, 2019 post: 5 Historically Accurate Details About Downton Abbey (And 5 That Were Pure Fiction)

Dear Mariana-  

I’m not on Facebook, so I was not allowed to comment on your Screen Rant article. As #3 of “5 Historically Accurate Details About Downton Abbey (And 5 That Were Pure Fiction)” is inaccurate, (and I know this because I addressed it here on my blog back in 2011 when The Telegraph first made similar accusations), I thought I should bring it to your attention.

Here below, I offer proof of the cultural terminology and popular common phrases in use during the Victorian and Edwardian periods, using the complete list that the Telegraph asserted as inaccurate to the time period being portrayed. 

Sincerely, 
Maura J. Graber

Assertion #1- The word “boyfriend” was not used during this time. 

The phrase is found in the following: Official report of debates Council of Europe. Parliamentary Assembly, Council of Europe, page 470 (1895): “... from yesterday's edition of The Times of London which states, ‘A woman who joined a company run by fundamentalist Christians was required to sign an undertaking that she would not live with her boyfriend.’”

From Wenderholme: A story of Lancashire and Yorkshire, By Philip Gilbert Hamerton, Page 301, (1876): “This cheered Edith's heart considerably, but still there was a certain moisture in her eyes as she bade farewell to her boyfriend.”

From The life and remains of Douglas Jerrold By Blanchard Jerrold, Douglas William Jerrold Page 331 (1859): “My early boyfriend, Laman Blanchard, and Kenny Meadows, a dear friend too, whose names have become musical in the world's ear, were of that society — of that knot of wise and jocund men ...”

Assertion #2- The Phrase “get shafted” was not used until the 1960’s.

Reality shows the phrase found in the following from: Debates: official report, Volume 2, Canada House of Commons (1888): "I do not know what assurance can be given that people can be guaranteed that they do not get shafted, to the favour of some other group."

Assertion #3- Footman Thomas Barrow, played by Rob James-Collier, used the words “get knotted” in the October 9 episode

The phrase is found in: The Westminster Review, Volume 124, Page 402 (1885): “In foreign affairs, when they get knotted, a Special Commissioner is appointed to report upon the situation, and to advise as to means of unravelling the tangled skein of affairs.”

Assertion #4- Head housemaid Anna Smith (Joanne Froggatt) asked John Bates (Brendan Coyle) in last week's drama set in 1917 “So everything in the garden is rosy?”

The phrase, which supposedly wasn’t used at the time, is found in the following from: Fraser's magazine, Volume 19 By Thomas Carlyle, page 606 (1879): “He looked so rosy, so
cheerful, so placid, such a picture of rewarded philosophy and virtue, surely he must be the happiest of mortals.”


From: Vanity Fair: A novel without a hero, By William Makepeace Thackeray, Page 95, (1845): “The honest Irish maid-servant, delighted with the change, asked leave to kiss the face that had grown all of a sudden so rosy.”

From: The complete works of William Shakespeare, Johnson: Page 556, (1863): “Me of my lawful pleasure she restrain'd, And pray'd me, oft, forbearance: did it with A pudency so rosy, the sweet view on't Might vvelghave warm'd old Saturn; that I thought er As chaste as unsunn'd snow :—O, all the devils!” (And Shakespeare actually wrote this over 200 years earlier!)


Assertion #5- Some Downton Abbey viewers have baulked at the use of the word “boyfriend,” as well as the concept of a “professional woman,” which is used to describe a maid who wants to leave domestic service to become a secretary." The latter half of that statement is most amusing, as there are so many, many references to the term “professional women” in newspapers and in books from the 1800s. Too many to choose from, so I picked one that ironically ran in the Telegraph.

It’s an article in an 1898 New York Times, referencing the spirited ongoing debate in the pages of U.K.'s The Daily Telegraph, titled “Should Wives Work? Opinions of English Men & Women-What an American Woman Thinks About It” quite plainly spells it out, quoting a British reader's comment in The Daily Telegraph, “Several professional women, talking sensibly of the subject, say that their business life will make them more careful in the choice of a husband ...”

Etiquette Instructor, Maura J. Graber, runs The RSVP Institute of Etiquette and is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia