Etiquette and the Recipe for a Garden Tea-Themed Bridal Shower

A stunning shower gift from the mother of the bride-to-be was  this bouquet brooch to be used at the rehearsal: Said Peggy, "Rather than the traditional ribbon bouquet that many people make at the shower for the bride’s wedding rehearsal, I made a brooch bouquet out of brooches that were mine and I asked both grandmothers to donate a brooch as well. I made this about a month before the shower as it was a little time consuming. I presented it to Kelly just before she opened her shower gifts. I also gave little history on the significance and tradition of giving a brooch to a bride. It turned out very pretty and we had it sitting out next to the guest book at the wedding."

The etiquette rule used to be that the bride's family members could attend the bridal showers, but not host them, nor plan them in anyway. Those rules went the way of June Cleaver ~ They left the building.

Peggy, with her daughter Kelly, posing at the shower

Nowadays, family members do participate and sometimes in a pinch play hostess. In many cases they are "blended family" members now too. They also offer space if they have the house large enough to get everyone together in one place at one time.  This is no easy trick in the 21st century!

Sadly, illness kept me from attending the bridal shower, that was given  last August, for my niece. I had really been looking forward to it and when I later saw the photos and read about the details, I knew I had to post something on it. Also, January is National "Hot Tea Month." Did you know?

A garden tea luncheon was my sister in-law Peggy's idea. Peggy was playing off of Kelly’s wedding theme of a "Royal Garden Wedding" and Kelly does love tea. So the theme was not a complete surprise for Kelly. Her mother told her about some of the details, but not everything. She did want a few things left as surprises for her the day of the shower.

Peggy said, "I used Archive Rentals for the flowers and the place settings. I picked out mixed-matched floral china, silverware and stemware. I had cards printed with “As rosemary is to the spirit, so lavender is to the soul” and attached a fresh cut sprig of rosemary and lavender and tucked that into the napkin at each place setting." Simply gorgeous!

The table decorations and centerpieces were birdcages arranged with bright multi-colored flowers (these were then reused at the post-wedding cocktail area, though decorated with the same flowers selected for the wedding). Peggy had hoped to give them away to guests to take home, but it seems the florist’s helpers packed them up after the cocktail hour, and they were unable to get to them by the end of the wedding.

One of the many tables set with the bird cage floral arrangements.

Peggy has a very spacious home, and though she was not playing hostess to the shower, as a few of Kelly's closest friends were, she had enough room to use garden animal statues around the room, (frogs, turtles, birds, rabbits, etc...) and then mylar flower balloons that grouped around the statues. Peggy's idea was to create a whimsical garden indoors. She also used a few mylar butterfly and ladybug balloons to complete the look.

Kelly sat under a garden arch and Peggy suspended a crown with a veil in the arch. At the foot of her chair was a frog prince statue.

Bride-to-be Kelly opening one of many gifts.

For activities, a photo booth was created with fun accessories to use in the photos and an Instagram sign with Kelly’s wedding # to post the pictures was also used.

           

Kelly and friends mugging it up for the Instagram Photo Booth. (L to R) are Penney, Alexa, Kelly, Brenna, Casey, and Jamie

Peggy also had a table to create one's own tea: She set bowls out of different teas, and using provided tea bags, guests could scoop tea and make their own blends.

Said Peggy, "We also provided labels and tea tins that I had found, to put them in. This was a big hit!"

Each guest received a china tea cup and saucer (each one was different) along with detailed instructions on how to brew the perfect cup of tea. Also a tea pouch personalized with autumn leaves and “Falling in love” Kelly & Casey 10/4/14

   

Of course, Peggy asked good friend, Chef Cathy McKnight, to help with the menu and she provided everything as a gift to Kelly.

The cake looked fabulous. Peggy found the beehive cake pan at Victoria Trading Company online. After showing it to Cathy, it was made as a lemon pound cake with a lemon liqueur glaze. Cathy added the adorable honey spoon with the bee on it!

The Menu:

Quiche Lorraine

Quiche bacon & cheddar in potato crust

Egg salad on brioche

Chicken salad with green apples on croissant

Watercress & butter tea sandwiches on squaw bread

Aloha salad with fresh pineapple, macadamia nuts and poppy seed dressing

Mini cheesecakes

Lemon bars

Heath crunch brownie bites

"Frog Prince" cookies

               

Also served were iced tea, lemonade, a signature cocktail and Kelly’s favorite- Irish Breakfast tea.

Princess Kelly

Yum! Chef Cathy McKnight poses with her daughter, Shannon Quiring and good friend, Cindy Beck.

Bridal Shower Etiquette of Yesteryear

“Allied to the afternoon tea are various phases of informal daytime entertaining. For example, there is the "shower" for a bride-elect ("linen," "culinary," or what you will). A friend of the bride-to-be invites a coterie of girl friends to meet the guest of honor, giving each girl time to provide some beautiful or useful gift, the presentations to be made with amusing ceremonies.”

“The "thimble bee," a favorite diversion of the quiet matronly set, each one bringing her own bit of needlework to while away an hour or so in pleasant conversation. One of the number may read aloud, with pauses for comment at will. The thimble bee is a modern version of the good old-fashioned "spend the afternoon and take tea." Both the shower and the thimble bee may be given in the forenoon, if preferred." From 1919, Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette” 


A good many years ago a friend of a young woman who was about to be married decided that the only gift she could afford was too slight an offering to express the love and good wishes that she felt. Knowing that there were other friends who felt the same way she called them together and suggested that they present their gifts at the same time. Then and there the idea of the "shower" was born.

The custom has prevailed and in most instances to-day the shower has a special purpose, such as the linen shower or the kitchen shower or the book shower. It is a very charming way of presenting gifts that would seem too trifling if they were presented alone. Intimate friends of the bride are the guests at a shower. It is usually a very informal affair and nearly always a surprise to the bride. The gifts may be hidden in a Jack Horner pie, they may be wrapped in all sorts of odd packages, or they may be presented in any of a hundred and one attractive ways. Originality in this, as in all entertainments, is greatly to be desired.

The young lady who is honored with a shower thanks the guests verbally, and afterwards she may write each of them a little note expressing her gratitude. It is necessary to do so if the affair was an elaborate one and the gifts were expensive.” From 1924 Lillian Eichler's “Book of Etiquette / Volume I” 


“It is not uncommon for a bride-elect to receive a few engagement presents. (These are entirely apart from wedding presents which come later.) A small afternoon teacup and saucer used to be the typical engagement gift, but it has gone rather out of vogue, along with harlequin china in general. Engagement presents are usually personal trifles sent either by her own very intimate friends or by members of her fiancé's family as especial messages of welcome to hers—and as such are very charming. But any general fashion that necessitates giving engagement as well as wedding presents may well be looked upon with alarm by those who have only moderately filled pocketbooks!” From Emily Post's 1922, “Etiquette”

A Good Housekeeping Magazine article account of a 1907 bridal shower, courtesy of @GeroDynamics

             

The Art and Etiquette of Setting a Beautiful Table

... Not to Mention Throwing a Fabulous Bridal Shower! 

A beautiful welcome to a bridal shower for my nephew's fiancée, Casey!

A friend, Elle Richesse, recently gifted me with a subscription to Tea Time magazine.  Not being a big tea lover (as many of my readers know) I was still looking forward to the magazine, as I knew it would be filled with beautiful pictures, stories and features on various tea rooms.  I'm always up for a good cucumber sandwich, and tea rooms are generally charming places to visit.

Taking photos from an old Architectural Digest and tweeting from my doctor's exam room.  Surprisingly, he was interested in my thoughts on place setting etiquette.  Then again, his daughters were in my etiquette classes years ago.

I was pleased to see on the cover when the first issue arrived, that table settings would be featured and a Downton Abbey tea.  A big Downton Abbey fan, I was looking forward to reading about Downton and seeing the table settings.  

Tea really isn't "my cup of tea," but the articles in this magazine really are terrific.  Thank you again, Elle!

I am known for zeroing in on table settings the moment I see a table set. It comes from years of judging tables, setting tables, and an enthusiasm for a certain symmetry.  It's sort of like my bizarre counting the rings of ringing telephones on tv and in movies, but that is for another post.  It's not something I want to do mind you, it just happens. Its the same thing with table settings and me. It doesn't matter if I'm flipping through a magazine or walking through a restaurant. I see a place setting and immediately start looking to see if it is correct or incorrect. So flipping through Tea Time and to the Downton Abbey Tea... Oh dear...

Almost Downton Abbey style, but those forks would never be placed on the napkins!

One of my biggest peeves with place settings? Those which have forks placed on the napkins.  One's guests should not have to reset one's table, but that is exactly what a host or hostess is requiring their guests to do when they place forks on napkins.  The guests have to take the 2, or possibly 3, forks off of the napkin with one hand, retrieve the napkin to place in their laps, then replace the forks back down in their correct order. 

Napkin in the center of the place setting

A napkin belongs in the center of the place setting, if you really want your guests to use them nowadays.  Napkins placed to the left of the forks are okay in my book, but again, I want my guests to put their napkins in their laps.  Placing them on the table or service plate, in the center of the setting, means that your guest has to remove the napkin to have food placed in front of him or her.  I have seen napkins set to the left of the forks go completely unused, so I do not recommend placing napkins there.
 

Napkin to the left of the forks, in a napkin ring.

Now I understand why magazines and catalogs show gorgeous settings with the forks on the napkins.  It is either to show off more on an already crowded table, with limited space on the page, or it is that the stylist or photographer has no idea that placing the forks on the napkins is improper.  Those photos are not nearly as irritating as the old magazine and catalog, "mirror -image" backward place settings, that had the photo transparencies reversed prior to printing.  Seeing those photos of really beautiful but backward tables, always made me nuts!  So walking in to see these gorgeous tables set with such flair for the bridal shower Sunday... I was thrilled.

The settings Sunday?  Wonderful! 

The bridal shower Sunday was just beautiful.  Really stunning. 
 

Kudos to Peggy, and my niece Kelly.  They outdid themselves on this shower!

Kelly and Peggy have a surprise basket of roses for Casey from Sean.   Each had a note attached with a different reason why he loves her.  So sweet.

As I was admiring the tables and taking photos, a good friend of Peggy's, chef Cathy Mc Knight, told me that Peggy had gotten the vintage glasses, mismatched antique  silver flatware, etc... from a company called Archive Rentals.  I was dying to talk with Peggy about the settings, but didn't want to pester my sister in-law, as she and my niece Kelly had their hands full, putting the finishing touches on everything. 

Cathy's son, Scotty, is a groomsman in my nephew's wedding, as is a young man named Garrett Beck.  I had interviewed the three of them on sports etiquette back when they were all buddies in eighth grade.

Garrett, Sean and Scotty all grown up!  I still have my taped interview with them on sports' etiquette though, and am planning a blog post using their thoughts from 13 years ago.  All are still excellent etiquette tips!

Amanda Ngyuen (from my post on calling cards), a dear friend Maria Basdakis, Cathy McKnight and myself.  I spent a whole year and a half on the east coast and picked up that "no white after Labor Day" habit, so when the invite requested we, "Wear white or a favorite white accessory." I could only bring myself to wear a white jacket, even though it was a warm 80 degrees outside.

I also spotted Cindy Beck and chatted about Garrett.  She was exhausted, but also very excited and told us about her son in-law, Olympian Bode Miller's latest medal.  She had gotten texts from her daughter in Russia at about 4:00 a.m. and was thrilled for his win.
 

Me with Cindy Beck... Cheers to Olympic medals and a lovely afternoon!

Peggy had Yolanda Thayer there.  She has a company called "Perfume Bar Soiree" and mixed perfume for each guest.  We got to choose from the different top notes, etc... to create our own personal scent.  She had a label to place on the bottle and asked what I wanted to call my scent. All I could think of was "Etiquette."  The gift boxes at everyone's seats, held a different vintage or antique crystal perfume bottle.  No two were alike.   
 

One of Casey's bridesmaids, Emily with Amanda of "Feast.Fashion.Faves" along with my son Robert's girlfriend Kelsey, at Yolanda's table of "Perfume Bar Soiree"

Great food, wonderful company, scintillating scents and beautifully set tables.  What more could one ask for in a bridal shower?

Casey opening the gifts Kelsey and I brought for her.

Peggy and Kelly had a white, tufted seat raised up for Casey to sit on while she opened her gifts.  She looked just like a princess!

Victorian and Edwardian Era Bridal Shower Etiquette

The bestowal of engagement presents has of late years taken on a wholesale aspect. Instead of the occasional receipt of a present from one or another of her friends and relatives, the bride-elect is often now the guest of honor at one or more parties called "showers," and the recipient of numerous gifts which are literally showered upon her. There are many kinds of "showers," as many as the ingenuity and financial resources of friends may admit of. When, however, any one bride is to be made the object of a series of such attentions, it is well for the girl's friends who have the matter in hand to see to it that no one person is invited to more than one shower, or, if so invited, that it be at her own request and because she wishes to make several gifts to her friend.  These affairs should be purely spontaneous and informal, and occasions of much fun and jollity. Nevertheless, there is danger of overdoing the idea, and making the recipient feel burdened rather than gratified by the zeal of her friends in her behalf.
 
Effort should be made not to have the articles given at a "shower" duplicate each other. They should be some simple, useful gifts, which will be of immediate service, and need not be either expensive or especially durable, unless the giver so desires. A "shower" is usually given when a wedding is in prospect, and the necessity of stocking up the new home confronts the young home-makers. The aim is to take a kindly interest in the new home and help to fit it out, more in the way of suggestion than in any extravagant way, which would make the recipients feel embarrassed or indebted, or overload them with semi-desirable gifts.
 
The "shower" is usually in the afternoon, and is joined in almost exclusively by the girl friends of the bride-elect, with perhaps a few of her older women friends and relatives. If, however, it comes in the evening, the men of the bridal party are usually also invited. The refreshments are simple and the style of entertainment informal. The invitations to a "shower" are usually given by the hostess verbally, or she sends her cards by post with the words "Linen shower for Miss Hanley on Wednesday at four."
 
There is a wide range of possible kinds of "showers," but the only rational way is to choose for a donation party of this sort only such objects as will be needed in quantity and variety, and in the choice of which one has not too strong and distinctive taste, as, for instance, the following: Linen, towels, glass, books, fancy china, silver, spoons, aprons, etc. Of course, the furnishings of some one room, as the bath-room, laundry, or kitchen, might be the subject of a "shower," but usually a housewife would prefer to have what she wanted and nothing else for use in these places.


From Etiquipedia

Antique perfume bottles and scents to choose from, at the ready... 

Best wishes to Casey for a beautiful wedding!