Showing posts with label Demita Usher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Demita Usher. Show all posts

Remembering Demita Usher


Demita Usher, aka “Brown Betty”
This is the hardest blog post I have ever written. I lost a wonderful friend over the past weekend. Demita Usher died of congestive heart failure. She had not been ill. A blood clot was the culprit. My husband and I knew exactly what was going on when I received a text from Demita, apologizing and explaining why she would not be able to teach a class with me the next day.

She sent a text that she didn't have the energy to walk to and from another room in her apartment, and she was having problems breathing. She texted that her brother was going to take her to the ER when he got off work. I texted back that it could be her heart. She needed to go to the hospital immediately.


I didn't like to continually email and text, but Demita did. I would rather talk on the phone. But then again, we would be on for hours, so emailing and texting it was… 

I called Cliff. He and I both suspected congestive heart failure as his mother had been hospitalized for it in March of 2013. My 98 year old mother in-law lived for another year and 9 months. She should still be here too. I am emotionally devastated.


I have no idea what we were discussing in that etiquette class training session, but her smile is what I will miss the most. 
We kept exchanging texts. Her brother hadn't taken her yet. I wish I had called her, or 911, for her. I regret not doing that. The last texts I received from her was that she had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure and “I'll keep you posted.” The last text was at 11:40 p.m. She died a few hours later.

The Demita I knew was always healthy, happy and enthusiastic about what we did together. She helped take care of me when I was sick through the spring, summer and fall of 2013. She would come and stay for days at a time, helping out when Cliff wasn't here and walking the dog for me. She was here for us each subsequent time I was hospitalized over the last 2 years. She took over my classes when I couldn't teach them, and I told her I wanted to eventually turn my business over to her.
Demita took pleasure in teaching etiquette, as much as I do, if not more. 

When she was passionate about something, Demita committed 200% to whatever it was; teaching etiquette, writing, history, vintage clothing, racial issues... She was committed to our friendship and I appreciated her more than she will ever know.

Demita wrote for several online publications, many times as “Brown Betty”

In May of 2011, I had my first conversation with Demita. She had called about my Etiquette Instructor training program. We spoke for 3 hours over the phone. I came downstairs where my husband and son had stopped waiting for me to watch a movie with them. “You were on a business call for 3 hours?” I was excited... “I know! I just had the most incredible conversation with someone who feels exactly the same way I do about etiquette. It was like talking to a twin!”
Demita once told me early on in our friendship, that she had very few photos of herself when she was younger. So I went to work sleuthing and found two high school photos of her. She was as shocked as she was pleased. 

Demita was up for anything and let nothing hold her back. She wrote continually, and researched historical etiquette works probably as much as me, always asking for tips. Before we met, she once flew to London to take hat-making classes with the former milliner to the late-Queen Mum and royal family. 
I remember receiving a selfie of Demita in a cowboy hat, standing with Jon Voight at a Western-themed charity event. I also received this, again in a cowboy hat, though I have no idea where she was or what she was recording. Demita was always signing up to volunteer for non-profit organizations.

Demita volunteered for numerous non-profits, and was continually sending me selfies from charity events she was working at.
Practicing her royal wave? Demita with a fellow contestant when she became the 2007 Ms. California. 

She had entered the "Queen of Queens" pageant and was the 2007 Ms. California. She was interested in mentoring younger pageant contestants.
Much of my family is stunned and saddened by her death as well. Here she is with my brother in-law Vince, my sister Barbara and me at CSUF's wine event/fund-raiser in August 2013. Cliff was taking the photo. 
She guest blogged for me, even though I continued to prompt her to “keep digging for more information.” She volunteered for anyone that needed her. I was continually getting photos texted to me of herself at different events.
Don't let that glamour fool you... I discovered Demita was a “secret nerd” when she bought a “Captain Kirk vs Captain Picard” t-shirt. She said it was for a “friend,” but after she mysteriously started “covering” and writing columns about Cosplay, I told her I had figured out her secret. She simply turned to me and beamed.

Demita and I swapped books and videos continually. I still have one of her favorites with me. It's titled “Forgotten Elegance: The Art, Artifacts, and Peculiar History of Victorian and Edwardian Entertaining in America” By the books she enjoyed the most, I always felt Demita was born too late, as if she belonged in another era. Now I know, she is gone much too soon.


Rest in peace, my dear friend. You will never be forgotten by those whose lives you touched! 







Youth Etiquette Classes at the Historic Graber Olive House in Ontario

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette is now offering ongoing coed classes at the historic Graber Olive House in Ontario
Every student is encouraged to develop the social skills needed for smooth sailing throughout life!

The youth classes for ages 6 and up through the teens, are held every Sunday
from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. 

The $75.00 per student fee, includes foods to practice dining skills with and all necessary learning materials
           
Each student receives weekly session handouts to practice lessons taught when at home
The three, 2-hour session Etiquette Courses will cover: 

  • Basic Manners 
  • Introductions & Responses 
  • Dining Skills & Table Manners (w/foods to practice dining skills) 
  • Manners; Home & Abroad, Cultural Diversity, Respect for Others 
  • Deflecting Peer Pressure, Tech Etiquette, “Thank you” notes 
  • Social Media Manners, Cell Phone Manners, Text Manners, etc... 
  • Making Eye Contact, Developing Great Posture & Good Grooming  

The Graber Olive House is located at
315 East Fourth Street, Ontario, CA 91764
909 983-1761
Hands-on training for utensil use with difficult foods is given weekly

       Questions? 
Email rsvpinstitute@gmail.com for a registration form. 
Or call The RSVP Institute of Etiquette 
at 
800-891-RSVP or 909 923-5650 
Payment by Check, Cash or PayPal is accepted

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette 2012 Co-Ed, Sunday Youth Classes in Etiquette at Historic Graber Olive House in Ontario



Points for prizes are earned by lessons learned...




Sharing a laugh about bad telephone manners...

Working on dining skills...

  The RSVP Institute of Etiquette is pleased to now offer 2012 coed, Sunday youth classes in etiquette, manners & social skills, at the historic Graber Olive House in Ontario, beginning February 5th. The six one & a half hour classes, are $85.00 per student.  The fee covers all 9 hours of instruction, foods & handouts. Returning students are eligible for a discount!   

Youth Classes from 1:00 to 2:30 p.m.


The six 1 & 1/2 hour classes will focus on:
• Key Skills~ Basic Social Graces, incl. Introductions & Phone Manners

 
• Dining Skills and Table Manners (w/foods to practice dining skills) 

 
• Manners for Home & Abroad: Cultural Diversity & Respect for Others


• Deflecting Peer Pressure, Tech Etiquette, “Thank you" notes & RSVPs


• Tricks to developing great posture & grooming habits, & other tools that open doors, build friendships, make parents and teachers smile!

Instructors: Maura Graber and
                                 Demita Usher
Call RSVP Institute: 909 923-5650  

Outside 909 Area Code: 800 891-RSVP
Graber Olive House: 909-983-1761 

Email: mannersclass@gmail.com

Method of Payments accepted-Visa/MC/AX /Paypal  
Please email for Paypal instructions

Downton Abbey and Etiquette Sleuthing versus The Historians, or Hysterians, of the British Press

As this was such a popular discussion by the email we've had, and as Season 2 of Downton Abbey is returning to the U.S. on January 10th, I thought it should re-posted.

As a fan of the critically acclaimed and popular Downton Abbey, I shared my DVD copy with fellow etiquette enthusiast, guest blogger and consultant, Demita Usher. She enjoyed it as thoroughly as I, and we have been waiting for the second season of the show to be broadcast in the U.S.  As fans of the show, we have a few words for those making criticism in the British press...

Imagine our surprise upon seeing the following headline in The Daily Telegraph; Downton Abbey: historical inaccuracies and mistakes plaguing ITV show or this one in the U.K. Daily Mail; Downton shoots itself in the foot as gun enthusiast gives both barrels over historical inaccuracies

Historians, (or could they possibly be hysterians?), make numerous assertions regarding the historical accuracy of the series. One article quotes "historian and broadcaster, A.N. Wilson", as saying, "... the portrayal of country house life was sanitised fantasy."  Whereas Julian Fellowes, Oscar-winning creator of Downton Abbey, strongly defended the show's script by saying that he believes the "the programme is pretty accurate". Adding, "The real problem is with people who are insecure socially, and they think to show how smart they are by picking holes in the programme to promote their own poshness and to show that their knowledge is greater than your knowledge."  Indeed!

Now, we are not trying to be posh, nor do we want to show "how smart we are", we simply would like to defend Julian Fellowes, by providing a bit of historical perspective. As for those who are offering their comments and criticisms to the press regarding the authenticity of the clothing for a local hunt, the road sign, aerial attached to a house, etc... we won't quibble with you on those points.  We will simply discuss the criticism of cultural terminology and popular common phrases in use during the Edwardian period.

Hysterian Assertion #1- The word "boyfriend" was not used during this time.

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in the following: Official report of debates Council of Europe. Parliamentary Assembly, Council of Europe, page 470 (1895): "... from yesterday's edition of The Times of London which states, 'A woman who joined a company run by fundamentalist Christians was required to sign an undertaking that she would not live with her boyfriend."

From Wenderholme: A story of Lancashire and Yorkshire By Philip Gilbert Hamerton, Page 301, (1876): "This cheered Edith's heart considerably, but still there was a certain moisture in her eyes as she bade farewell to her boyfriend."

From The life and remains of Douglas Jerrold By Blanchard Jerrold, Douglas William Jerrold Page 331 (1859): "My early boyfriend, Laman Blanchard, and Kenny Meadows, a dear friend too, whose names have become musical in the world's ear, were of that society — of that knot of wise and jocund men ..."

Hysterian Assertion #2- The Phrase "get shafted" was not used until the 1960's.

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in the following from: Debates: official report, Volume 2, Canada House of Commons (1888): "I do not know what assurance can be given that people can be guaranteed that they do not get shafted, to the favour of some other group."

Hysterian Assertion #3- Footman Thomas Barrow, played by Rob James-Collier, used the words "get knotted" in the October 9 episode

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in: The Westminster Review, Volume 124, Page 402 (1885): In foreign affairs, when they get knotted, a Special Commissioner is appointed to report upon the situation, and to advise as to means of unravelling the tangled skein of affairs.

Hysterian Assertion #4- Head housemaid Anna Smith (Joanne Froggatt) told John Bates (Brendan Coyle) in last week's drama set in 1917 "So everything in the garden is rosy?"

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in the following from: Fraser's magazine, Volume 19 By Thomas Carlyle, page 606 (1879): He looked so rosy, so cheerful, so placid, such a picture of rewarded philosophy and virtue, surely he must be the happiest of mortals.

From: Vanity Fair: A novel without a hero, By William Makepeace Thackeray, Page 95, (1845): The honest Irish maid-servant, delighted with the change, asked leave to kiss the face that had grown all of a sudden so rosy.

From: The complete works of William Shakespeare By William Shakespeare, Johnson: Page 556, (1863): Me of my lawful pleasure she restrain'd, And pray'd me, oft, forbearance: did it with A pudenc-y so rosy, the sweet view on't Might vvelghave warm'd old Saturn; that I thought er As chaste as unsunn'd snow :—O, all the devils! (And Shakespeare actually wrote this over 200 years earlier!)
 
Hysterian Assertion #5- "... some viewers have baulked at the use of the word "boyfriend", as well as the concept of a "professional woman", which is used to describe a maid who wants to leave domestic service to become a secretary." We find the latter half of that statement most amusing, as there are so many, many references to the term "professional women" in newspapers and in books from the 1800s. Too many to choose from, so we picked the cream of the crop, and they are as follows...

Historian Actuality We will gladly cite all of them for any readers asking, but we feel that the article in an 1898 New York Times, referencing the spirited ongoing debate in the pages of U.K.'s The Daily Telegraph, titled "Should Wives Work?  Opinions of English Men & Women-What an American Woman Thinks About It" quite plainly spells it out, especially in the sixth paragraph in Part 1 posted here.  It quotes a British reader's comment in The Daily Telegraph, "Several professional women, talking sensibly of the subject, say that their business life will make them more careful in the choice of a husband ..."



Or then there is the article from New Zealand's The Auckland Star newspaper from 1899.  One of the paragraphs in a story by a London correspondent on the recent happenings at The International Women's Congress, London July 14 is actually titled "The Professional Woman".



So it makes us wonder what exactly qualifies contributors to be called "historians".  Demita Usher and I wouldn't dare refer to ourselves as "historians".  There is so much we do not know.  However, we are "history enthusiasts" and we certainly loved Downton Abbey here across the pond.  It is with great anticipation that we wait to watch the second season of the program, and in the meantime, comments made by your historians, or "hysterians" if you will, have kept us entertained while we wait.

But don't fret Great Britain, as I also stumbled onto this headline; Kate Middleton Named 2011's Best-Mannered Person, Kim Kardashian Slammed as "Most Ill-Mannered" Kudos to Kate!

New Holiday Co-Ed, Youth Classes in Etiquette, Manners and Social Skills, at the Graber Olive House.

Ashley learns how to twirl her spaghetti
 

The RSVP Institute is pleased to now offer special holiday co-ed,  youth classes in etiquette, manners and social skills, at the Graber Olive House.  The special course of 3, two-hour classes will be held the week after Christmas, on December 27th, 28th & 29th.  The $65.00 per student fee covers all foods & handouts. The mixed age classes (ages 5 and up to teen) 
are from 11:30 to 1:30 p.m. 

The 3 classes will focus on:
  • The keys to making your parents smile.
  • Basic Social Graces, Posture and Image
  • Dining Skills & Table Manners (with foods to practice the dining skills taught)
  • Respect for Others
  • Deflecting Peer Pressure Gracefully
  • Phone, Text Manners & Web @ttitude© & Other E-Manners
  • Manners for Home and Abroad
  • Gero-dynamics©, “Thank you" notes & RSVPs
  • “Yes please”, “Thank you”, “Excuse Me”, & other verbal cues that open doors, build friendships, make parents & teachers smile!
Register by Dec. 26th to secure your son’s or daughter’s enrollment!
Open to ages 5 to 17. We will be offering a “teen specific” class starting on Sundays in January. Call 909 923-5650 or email for more information: mannersclass@gmail.com
Please Print Information Below 

Checks can be mailed to: RSVP, 301 East Fourth Street, Ontario 91764    
 ----------------------------------------------Clip-Here---------------------------------                     
Student’s Name___________________________Age______Grade__
Parent’sName_________________________Phone_________
Email ________________Emergency Contact__________________
Food Allergies or Restrictions___________________
Please Circle Method of Payment: check cash  card Visa/MC/AX
Paypal now accepted! Email for Paypal instructions!
Signature of Cardholder:________________________
Card Number:_________________________  Exp. Date:_______


The British Press vs Downton Abbey and Two Etiquette Sleuths; Historians or Hysterians?

As a fan of the first season of the critically acclaimed and popular Downton Abbey, I shared my DVD copy with fellow etiquette enthusiast, guest blogger and consultant, Demita Usher. She enjoyed it as thoroughly as I, and we have been waiting for the second season of the show to be broadcast in the U.S. As fans of the show, we have a few words for those making criticism in the British press.

Imagine our surprise upon seeing the following headline in The Daily Telegraph; Downton Abbey: historical inaccuracies and mistakes plaguing ITV show or this one in the U.K. Daily Mail; Downton shoots itself in the foot as gun enthusiast gives both barrels over historical inaccuracies


Historians, (or could they possibly be hysterians?), make numerous assertions regarding the historical accuracy of the series. One article quotes "historian and broadcaster, A.N. Wilson", as saying, "... the portrayal of country house life was sanitised fantasy."  Whereas Julian Fellowes, Oscar-winning creator of Downton Abbey, strongly defended the show's script by saying that he believes the "the programme is pretty accurate". Adding, "The real problem is with people who are insecure socially, and they think to show how smart they are by picking holes in the programme to promote their own poshness and to show that their knowledge is greater than your knowledge."  Indeed!

Now, we are not trying to be posh, nor do we want to show "how smart we are", we simply would like to defend Julian Fellowes, by providing a bit of historical perspective. As for those who are offering their comments and criticisms to the press regarding the authenticity of the clothing for a local hunt, the road sign, aerial attached to a house, etc... we won't quibble with you on those points.  We will simply discuss the criticism of cultural terminology and popular common phrases in use during the Edwardian period.

Hysterian Assertion #1- The word "boyfriend" was not used during this time.

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in the following: Official report of debates Council of Europe. Parliamentary Assembly, Council of Europe, page 470 (1895): "... from yesterday's edition of The Times of London which states, 'A woman who joined a company run by fundamentalist Christians was required to sign an undertaking that she would not live with her boyfriend."

From Wenderholme: A story of Lancashire and Yorkshire By Philip Gilbert Hamerton, Page 301, (1876): "This cheered Edith's heart considerably, but still there was a certain moisture in her eyes as she bade farewell to her boyfriend."

From The life and remains of Douglas Jerrold By Blanchard Jerrold, Douglas William Jerrold Page 331 (1859): "My early boyfriend, Laman Blanchard, and Kenny Meadows, a dear friend too, whose names have become musical in the world's ear, were of that society — of that knot of wise and jocund men ..."


Hysterian Assertion #2- The Phrase "get shafted" was not used until the 1960's.

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in the following from: Debates: official report, Volume 2, Canada House of Commons (1888): "I do not know what assurance can be given that people can be guaranteed that they do not get shafted, to the favour of some other group."


Hysterian Assertion #3- Footman Thomas Barrow, played by Rob James-Collier, used the words "get knotted" in the October 9 episode

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in: The Westminster Review, Volume 124, Page 402 (1885): In foreign affairs, when they get knotted, a Special Commissioner is appointed to report upon the situation, and to advise as to means of unravelling the tangled skein of affairs.


Hysterian Assertion #4- Head housemaid Anna Smith (Joanne Froggatt) told John Bates (Brendan Coyle) in last week's drama set in 1917 "So everything in the garden is rosy?"

Historian Actuality shows the phrase is found in the following from: Fraser's magazine, Volume 19 By Thomas Carlyle, page 606 (1879): He looked so rosy, so cheerful, so placid, such a picture of rewarded philosophy and virtue, surely he must be the happiest of mortals.

From: Vanity Fair: A novel without a hero, By William Makepeace Thackeray, Page 95, (1845): The honest Irish maid-servant, delighted with the change, asked leave to kiss the face that had grown all of a sudden so rosy.

From: The complete works of William Shakespeare By William Shakespeare, Johnson: Page 556, (1863): Me of my lawful pleasure she restrain'd, And pray'd me, oft, forbearance: did it with A pudenc-y so rosy, the sweet view on't Might vvelghave warm'd old Saturn; that I thought er As chaste as unsunn'd snow :—O, all the devils! (And Shakespeare actually wrote this over 200 years earlier!)
 
Hysterian Assertion #5- "... some viewers have baulked at the use of the word "boyfriend", as well as the concept of a "professional woman", which is used to describe a maid who wants to leave domestic service to become a secretary." We find the latter half of that statement most amusing, as there are so many, many references to the term "professional women" in newspapers and in books from the 1800s. Too many to choose from, so we picked the cream of the crop, and they are as follows...

Historian Actuality We will gladly cite all of them for any readers asking, but we feel that the article in an 1898 New York Times, referencing the spirited ongoing debate in the pages of U.K.'s The Daily Telegraph, titled "Should Wives Work?  Opinions of English Men & Women-What an American Woman Thinks About It" quite plainly spells it out, especially in the sixth paragraph in Part 1 posted here.  It quotes a British reader's comment in The Daily Telegraph, "Several professional women, talking sensibly of the subject, say that their business life will make them more careful in the choice of a husband ..."









Or then there is the article from New Zealand's The Auckland Star newspaper from 1899.  One of the paragraphs in a story by a London correspondent on the recent happenings at The International Women's Congress, London July 14 is actually titled "The Professional Woman".








So it makes us wonder what exactly qualifies contributors to be called "historians".  Demita Usher and I wouldn't dare refer to ourselves as "historians".  There is so much we do not know.  However, we are "history enthusiasts" and we certainly loved Downton Abbey here across the pond.  It is with great anticipation that we wait to watch the second season of the program, and in the meantime, comments made by your historians, or "hysterians" if you will, have kept us entertained while we wait.

But don't fret Great Britain, as I also stumbled onto this headline; Kate Middleton Named 2011's Best-Mannered Person, Kim Kardashian Slammed as "Most Ill-Mannered" Kudos to Kate!

Will the Real Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, Please Stand Up?


Kiera Knightley as The Duchess of Devonshire












Movie review preface, by Maura Graber

Several weeks back, I asked Demita if she could do her next review on The Duchess. The whole conversation came up after Demita shared her OMG thoughts having recently watching the movie and I had just received an email from another etiquette consultant I trained, telling me that she had just watched The Duchess yet again, and that she had probably "watched it hundreds of times". She loves the movie, whereas I have watched it only once. Finding it so depressing, I have not been able to watch it again. Aside from a very few classics and favorites which end ominously, I prefer happy endings if I am going spend time watching a movie. The Duchess didn't fall into that category. In fact, as I have been helping Demita hone her sleuthing skills, we have found that Geogiana Spencer's life was a mess that would rival anything on reality television today.  The following is Demita Usher's review:















"Electioneering Duchess"... "Stolen Duchess"...  "Duchess as Portrayed by Hollywood"... The "Two Duchesses"…. Will the Real Georgiana Spencer, Duchess of Devonshire, Please Stand Up?

                             By Demita Usher 
                              
When I first embarked on this journey to write a review about the movie based on Georgiana Spencer's life, I thought it would be a simple review to write, with  a few historical notations added for good measure, to compare her real  life to the Hollywood version. I quickly discovered nothing could be further from the truth. The more I investigated (thanks for the continual push for more research, Maura) the deeper the rabbit hole became. I found the movie depiction of the Duchess of Devonshire was a bit like reading the Cliffs Notes of her life, skirting over huge amounts of information about who she really was historically.

There were many complexities that made up the life of this fascinating woman. I understand that there is only so much you can share in less than two hours without making it a "Harry Potter" movie or "Lord of the Rings", but there is so much that was either unknown or overlooked about her life, I feel the need to bring the real story of Georgiana's life to our readers.

The Hollywood version presents viewers with a fresh faced Georgiana, enjoying a life of privilege with her young friends at her parents’ home. She is summoned by her mother who informs her that her marriage to the Duke of Devonshire has been arranged, and she soon will be the Duchess of Devonshire. She expresses a joyful excitement at her future royal position. After her wedding, she discovers the Duke to be cold, distant, and lacking in the affection that would assist in developing a loving bond with his new wife. She shares her concerns with her mother who assures her that once she produces a male heir, her husband’s cold approach to  intimacy will no longer be a problem as those encounters will lessen over time.

As she prepares to produce a male heir for her husband, the Duke presents her with the first of her royal duties, stepmother to his young daughter who is a product of a liaison with his maid. She is uncertain how to be a mother to the child and if she expresses any opposition, it is clear that there will be no negotiation. Her husband expects her to raise this child as her own. It is during this time her husband’s infidelity comes to the forefront and she is confronted with yet another situation that she must adjust to and accept.

The movie fast forwards to a few years later, and we find the Duchess has given birth to three daughters, but alas no male heir. In addition to her duties as a wife and mother, she is also a member of an elite sisterhood of women who were known as “Political Hostesses”.  Hannah Greig,  historical advisor for the film, stated that, “Aristocratic women in the 18th century were responsible for the political life of the nation.”  This group of women were wives of royalty and aristocrats and wielded much influence and had the power to sway elections in the favor of certain candidates through the elaborate dinner parties and social gatherings they hosted. It seems that good food, drink and stimulating conversation could almost buy an election. These women knew the power they held.

During this time Georgiana befriended Lady Elizabeth Foster who was estranged from her husband and children. After inviting Lady Foster to stay at the manor she shares with the Duke and their children, Georgiana experiences a very painful betrayal. The Duke and Elizabeth have an affair. With careless disregard for his wife's feelings, not only does the Duke refuse to make Elizabeth leave, but they continue the affair. With Lady Foster's three sons also living in the home, a polygamist lifestyle is suddenly the new normal in Georgiana's life.  

In the midst of all this chaos, Georgiana eventually bears the Duke a son and begins an affair with politician Charles Grey. She becomes pregnant by Grey, is forced into exile until the child is born and then commanded to give the child to Charles’ family to raise. It was made clear that she had to end the affair with Grey, or face divorce and permanent separation from her other children. She complied, settled back into her role at the manor, and somehow made peace with Elizabeth. The movie ends with the two women and their children playing happily on the manor grounds. This saga defies all logic, and would have a long run as a daily soap opera or popular reality show. Where are the cameras when you need them?!?
Indiana County Gazette, 1892

In reality, the Duchess was truly a fashion trendsetter for her time. So much so, that women’s fans had her likeness printed on them. In the movie she was called “The Empress of Fashion”, though I have not located any historical evidence to support this moniker. In fact, there were times when her fashion statements caused her to be publicly censured because she wore garments that had such a masculine influence, it sent the upper crust of society into a real tizzy.

Quizzically, after her death in 1806 and throughout the 1800s, Georgiana was referred to as the “Electioneering Duchess” in newspapers and periodicals. Why she was given this name in the political arena, above all of the other political hostesses of her time, is a bit of a mystery. Though she was charming and influential, her actions many times got her into hot water. She was accused of overstepping her bounds to get votes. She was accused of trading  kisses for votes. Some went so far as to accuse her of having slept with men to sway their votes. Whatever her methods, the results spoke for themselves and I am not certain if the title given to her as the “Electioneering Duchess” was a compliment or an insult. If the caricatures of her at the time were any indication, it seems more like a slap in the face, so to speak. By the end of the 1800s, a portrait of the Duchess, painted by Gainsborough, had been stolen.  For the better part of the early 1900s, Georgiana was referred to as the "Stolen Duchess", referencing the painting.
The real woman who went from being a “rock star” of her day to a missing relic in the form of a painting in the 20th century was a lot more diverse and complex than any movie could accurately articulate. What I enjoyed most about  the movie was  beautiful costuming and the opportunity to view intimate snapshots into 18th century life. I found the undertone of the movie to be more bitter than sweet, because the social norms of the time greatly restricted Geogiana's freedoms to make healthy and happy decisions for herself, something my 21st century mind could not live with if I were in the same position today.  The movie also  gave me a profound appreciation that I do have the freedom to choose who I love and who I marry. I highly recommend viewing the commentaries that accompany the movie. Ralph Fiennes, as well as the historians who worked on the film, provide some very helpful insights with regard to the attitudes and mindsets that shaped that time in history.
As I reflected on what I thought to be injustices that could have easily been resolved if she had just divorced her husband, taken her kids and sued for alimony and child support, I discovered that in order to understand her story, you have to put yourself the frame of mind of the 18th century, the protocol of the time. The expectations, the roles of men and women as they truly were, and not how Hollywood spoon feeds it to us, nice and neatly package with just enough tension to keep us watching while omitting the harsh reality of what is was really like to live in a world where privilege could be a prison and true freedom was a fantasy.

The etiquette for the time dictated to men and women so differently. When it came to infidelity and child custody for example, it clearly benefited the men.  Though it was a known fact that men and women took on lovers though married, women were judged more harshly in the court of public opinion when it came to such matters and were not as easily forgiven. If a woman took a lover before producing an heir for her husband, it could land her in a world of trouble. The Duke kept the Duchess in exile for two years after she gave birth to her lover's child, while he was able to freely continue to have an adulterous relationship with her best friend and father children with her. 

After Geogianna returned from exile, she resumed her life, which included continuing to accommodate her best friend sleeping with her husband. These types of arrangements must have been accepted as normal by those in society. Even Napoleon, when writing to the Devonshire manor, addressed both Georgiana and Elizabeth by the term the “two Duchesses”. It seemed to be common knowledge that there were two women there, both living as the Duke's wives.

When it came to financial rights, the women had a lot more to lose. If divorce was eminent, custody of the children was given to the man automatically, something our 21st century minds cannot comprehend in this era where women seem to get the kids, the house, the car, the dog, and even the cat 99% of the time. During that period, if a man divorced you,  the poorhouse could be your next residence.   

Before she produced a male heir, Georgiana had written to her sister that though she loved living at Devonshire, she did not feel as it was really “her” home too. The tone of the letter made it clear that technically she did not  have a “claim” to her home until she bore her husband a son, despite the fact she had borne him three daughters. 

When it came to politics, women were not taken seriously and had no right to vote so they wielded their voting power through their feminine influence which proved to be a powerful force to be reckoned with because again due to the protocol of the time, opportunities for women were limited so they had to get creative to make their voices heard.

The more I read, the more I see that in many ways  her story could read like the life of any woman in a influential but limited position in the 21st century; Georgiana had a drug problem and was addicted to laudanum, she battled infertility, she had a cheating husband, she developed a gambling problem, she had affairs, she bore an illegitimate child and was heavily involved in politics. She was indeed a walking reality show waiting to happen. The Real-Housewives-of-Name- Your-Favorite city or state, have nothing on her. 

After her death, her name was not  mentioned in popular conversation for close to 60 years. When her name did resurface, it was in reference to a painting of her that had gone missing for many years and resurfaced. No mention of who she really was, what she contributed in her lifetime was even really discussed, just a painted portrait of her that people fought and /or debated about.
Gainsborough's famous portrait of the Duchess of Devonshire
  During this excavation, I discovered that Georgiana was more than a pretty lady in pretty clothes. She was also a songwriter, a poet and a published author.  She was a lady of many talents and many sorrows who died blind and in debt, but despite her difficulties, she lived her life despite the boundaries that the social graces of the time that surrounded her, but her life was far from perfect and there was no Hollywood ending with a round of tag on the manor grounds.

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