The Art of the Social Graces

    The study of etiquette and social graces is a science, but practicing the knowledge gained from that science, is truly an art form that one develops!

   The Art of the Social Graces
     by Bernadette Michelle Petrotta

"Do not assume people enjoy forwarded emails.  Check with them first before sending"~from The Art of the Social Graces

 

Bernadette Petrotta is one of the few people I know, who practices the art of social graces in her everyday life. Long an etiquette instructor, her book is a concise, well written guide to etiquette, and how to artfully put that etiquette to use with social grace and ease.

 

 

"The essence of hospitality means leaving no detail unattended. Set your table with a sense of poise and a sense of welcome that brings warmth into your home."~from The Art of the Social Graces 

 

It is filled with helpful suggestions, and the rules for introductions, entertaining, dining out, helpful dining guidelines for all types of foods, table setting and place setting diagrams, appropriate attire, afternoon tea and much more.  There are one or two points I disagree with Bernadette on, but people have personal preferences, and we are no exception.  Besides that, I can find at least ten things I disagree on within the first few glances at the majority of newer books on etiquette that I see.  "The Art of the Social Graces" is an exception.

 

"The hostess will place a napkin on her lap.  The guests should follow suit." ~from The Art of the Social Graces

          
I do not generally recommend any new etiquette books, however this book is truly worth reading.  If you are in the etiquette business, feel flummoxed at the thought of entertaining, or know a new bride or bride-to-be who can use guidance, this book is an excellent choice for any bookshelf or home library.









http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Social-Graces-Victorian/dp/1467966835

Thanksgiving Thoughts and Notes of "Thanks"

Giving Thanks to All

Being thankful really is something most people should practice year round, however a lot of people I run into seem to be anything but thankful these last few years.  Many people seem to be drained and anxiety filled. Others I know, go into bouts of depression for months at a time.  I try to reach them to offer encouragement, but they make it very hard if they will not pick up the phone or respond to cards and emails.

I'll admit, there are brief moments when I start to feel sorry for myself, or I let depression sneak in when I am in pain or not able to conquer tasks that need to be taken care of, on any random day. However I try to overcome negative thoughts by reminding myself of a few things;

The sentiments of this vintage Thanksgiving card are especially meaningful to me.

I have food in my pantry.  Millions of people throughout the world go to sleep each night hungry. And though my health leaves so much to be desired these last few years, and I would need a miracle to be as healthy as I was even 4 years ago, I am not wheelchair bound, unable to speak or move, as is the case with my niece's new father in-law.  He has been suffering from ALS for several years now.  Seeing him at my niece's wedding a few weeks back, I was struck by the fact that he cannot be much older than me and he must feel as if he is in a prison. 

No, I have a lot to be thankful for when I see others who have so little. I have the ability to work and share a skill, though my doctor advised me to stop long ago. I am thankful for the help of all my friends these past few challenging years.  Especially the help and support of Demita and Alicia, who are willing to do the physical things for me that I can no longer do and continue working. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my medical insurance. Most importantly, I have a roof over my head, while so many people do not.

My kids are healthy and employed. Many throughout the U.S. and world are not healthy and are not employed. I am thankful that I live in the United States, where I have a bounty of freedoms and a better quality of life than in many countries around the world.  Above all, I try to remember that life is short, and in this short amount of time I have been given, I need to never forget to say, "Thank you" and really feel appreciative for all that I have been blessed with over my lifetime.

Saying "thank you" takes so little time and effort.  It means much to others, in a world in which people are more apt to complain about poor service than praise good service.  In a world where people are more likely to pass by others without giving a smile.  A world in which strangers avoid situations when help should be given, instead of offering a helping hand. In this world we share with others, saying "thanks" and showing appreciation is at the very least, a truly civil and polite thing that one can do.

How Sense of Smell and Common Scents Can Affect Common Courtesies

File this under "Nasal Sway":

Can one manipulate good behavior just by the scent of the room? It turns out you can, according to an assistant professor at Brigham Young University's Marriott School of Management! 

According to a 2009 TIME Magazine sidebar article, "Call It Nasal Sway", an experiment was conducted to test people's propensity toward charity, ethical behavior and good manners by using common household scents. Ninety-nine participants were assigned to either a Windex-scented room or a neutral-smelling room and given a list of tasks to complete. Included in the list was a request for volunteers and donations for "Habitat for Humanity".

Results revealed that people in the Windex scented room (citrus scented Windex to be exact) were more likely to give money and help others than those in the room that was not scented with Windex.  According to co-author and social psychologist Adam Galinsky, from Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management, "Economists and even psychologists haven't been paying much attention to the fact that small changes in our environment can have dramatic effects on behavior. We under emphasize these subtle environmental cues," he says.

Researchers on morality and scientists agree that people do strongly associate physical cleanliness with "purity of conscience". It is the thought at the heart of old sayings like "cleanliness is next to godliness" and "as evidenced by the widespread use of cleansing ceremonies to wash away sins in various religions around the world".

Arab men displaying traditional form of greeting.

Another study, published in a 2008 "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin" showed that people are more critical and judgmental about certain moral issues when exposed to the vapors of a commercially available, "fart" (their term, not mine) scented spray. I'll stick with the Windex, thank you.