Etiquette Advice and Tough Love

Sometimes while doing research for the Etiquipedia.blogspot, I peruse old newspapers that I come across. The adverts are always fun to read, along with the “personals” section. I especially enjoy comics and advice for women. It’s a great way to immerse myself in the past and to, for a while at least, forget about the seemingly never ending, 2020 Covid -19 pandemic.

High hem, high heels and high fashion in January of 1929

The other night, I found an especially entertaining newspaper from 1929. The fashion in “Just Among Us Girls” was a vintage blast. As it was in January 1929, and nine months before the famous Wall Street crash, the quip accompanying it was fun and still in good taste. 

The following advice for removing cigarette stains from fingers was interesting. I would have suggested lemon juice, or even vinegar, knowing how well they work with other stains. I guess rubbing alcohol would be out of the question, as this was during Prohibition.

This brief spot below on telephone manners for children, was a nice find. When my kids were little they were continually praised by callers who told me, on more than a few occasions, that they answered the phone more professionally than most people at businesses they called. Being a former telephone operator, I had taught them early how to answer the phone and how to take messages. They knew I took phone manners seriously.

MOTHERS AND THEIR CHILDREN – 

One Mother Says— “I have taught my little girls how to use the telephone. They know they must not shout or speak too low and must listen attentively. I have made them understand that the telephone is not a toy and is only to be used for important calls and conversations. Telephone operators tell me that they have much trouble with children playing with phones and leaving the receivers down or simply wasting their time with foolish calls.” 

The real gem of the bunch was this article below on raising a child with physical handicaps… what we call “physically challenged” today. It’s full of wisdom, common sense, a big helping of tough love and a lot of heart. It is “Guiding Your Child” by Agnes Lyne and well worth the read:

Guiding Your Child

HANDICAPS – To his parents, Dick was the most precious thing in life. When at the age of three he was severely ill with scarlet fever, they watched over him and knew every breath he drew. For days, he hung on the point of death and for many weeks he lay wan and feeble without energy to talk or move. Although before his illness, Dick had already developed a fair vocabulary and was a fine enterprising lad in his play, after it he returned to the ways of his baby days. Slowly he was taught to walk again, and gradually he made friends with his playthings once more. 

But his speech did not come back. He asked for things by crying and pointing, in inarticulate sounds and gestures. He did not respond when spoken to, it seemed as though he had become quite deaf. Appalled by their tragedy, the parents waited on their afflicted baby hand and foot. They watched his expressions and anticipated his wishes. He never had to exert himself to get what he wanted, they rushed to bring it to him at his cry. By the time he was four, his retardation was so marked and his improvement so slight that they took him to a specialist who found that Dick had indeed lost his hearing in one ear, but that there was no other physical handicap. Then a psychologist found that as far as it was possible to judge his intelligence was normal. 

With their new insight and the persistence of their love, his parents decided to make Dick grow up. They left him to get things for himself whenever it was possible. When he grunted and pointed a finger, they said the name of the object he wanted, and not until he had at least made an, effort to repeat the word after them did they let him have it. Slowly he improved. Many a child who has as genuine a handicap as had Dick is injured more by its psychological consequences than by the difficulty itself. Parents need to be on guard, lest the unwise treatment of a handicap becomes more of a drawback than the handicap itself. – By Agnes Lyne, January 1929

New Youth Etiquette Classes for March!

Easter Greetings and Blessings

When I was little, my sisters and I always got a new bonnet, dress, and sometimes new white gloves or a small handbag for Easter. It was tradition. It was a spring ritual. It was the fashion etiquette for all baby boomer girls. And nearly every little girl I grew up with, enjoyed that same springtime rite. It was something to look forward to every year, just like “Back to School” clothes in the autumn.

By the the time I reached middle school, however, those de rigueur Easter bonnets and white gloves for girls, fell out of fashion. In 1969, tweens and teens wouldn’t be caught dead in them! A new dress was still desirable, however. I have a photo of myself, standing with my grandmother on her front lawn, while wearing a now cringeworthy, “Marcia Brady” style, robin’s egg blue dress and shoes. They were very much in vogue at the time and I remember happily picking them out at the mall, excitedly looking forward to Easter vacation with my grandparents in Los Angeles.

 Though I no longer get a new Easter bonnet every year, Easter is still one of my favorite holidays. Maybe it is the religious roots that were planted and took hold as I grew up. Or, possibly, it’s the new life and birth of spring, with the bunnies, chicks and lambs. After all, both my son and daughter were born in the spring, and every few years my daughter’s birthday lands on Easter weekend. 

It could be that all of the family tries to get together, like with Christmas, but without all of the stress, anxiety or depression. Mostly, I think it’s that I so fondly remember spending the “Easter vacation” of many school years at my grandmother’s and grandfather’s home. (It wasn’t called “spring break” back then) It was the one week a year I could play “only child” and I made the best of it. The weather was always pretty nice, too, so that was a bonus. 

Looking at it now, I’m thankful to have all of my siblings. Two of us, along with our spouses attended a cousin’s wedding yesterday. As Cliff and I drove home, it dawned on me what a blessing it is that all of my siblings are still living, as are both of my parents. Our cousin hasn’t been as fortunate as my brother and me. Both of his siblings and both of his parents are all deceased. His mother was the most recent to pass away. My older brother and I were the closest thing to siblings he had in attendance. But, our cousin is certainly blessed as well. His new bride made it a point to tell us (twice) that they would be coming to visit soon, and she hoped we’d get together often, as she believes family is important. She’s right. And I couldn’t be happier for them. Easter blessings, indeed!

A Baby Boomer Easter – Me, in my new Easter bonnet, holding my basket, with three of my four siblings, along with our mother on Easter Sunday, circa 1960.  

A Downton Abbey Etiquette Rant

An open letter to Mariana Fernades on Screen Rant, regarding her April 13, 2019 post: 5 Historically Accurate Details About Downton Abbey (And 5 That Were Pure Fiction)

Dear Mariana-  

I’m not on Facebook, so I was not allowed to comment on your Screen Rant article. As #3 of “5 Historically Accurate Details About Downton Abbey (And 5 That Were Pure Fiction)” is inaccurate, (and I know this because I addressed it here on my blog back in 2011 when The Telegraph first made similar accusations), I thought I should bring it to your attention.

Here below, I offer proof of the cultural terminology and popular common phrases in use during the Victorian and Edwardian periods, using the complete list that the Telegraph asserted as inaccurate to the time period being portrayed. 

Sincerely, 
Maura J. Graber

Assertion #1- The word “boyfriend” was not used during this time. 

The phrase is found in the following: Official report of debates Council of Europe. Parliamentary Assembly, Council of Europe, page 470 (1895): “... from yesterday's edition of The Times of London which states, ‘A woman who joined a company run by fundamentalist Christians was required to sign an undertaking that she would not live with her boyfriend.’”

From Wenderholme: A story of Lancashire and Yorkshire, By Philip Gilbert Hamerton, Page 301, (1876): “This cheered Edith's heart considerably, but still there was a certain moisture in her eyes as she bade farewell to her boyfriend.”

From The life and remains of Douglas Jerrold By Blanchard Jerrold, Douglas William Jerrold Page 331 (1859): “My early boyfriend, Laman Blanchard, and Kenny Meadows, a dear friend too, whose names have become musical in the world's ear, were of that society — of that knot of wise and jocund men ...”

Assertion #2- The Phrase “get shafted” was not used until the 1960’s.

Reality shows the phrase found in the following from: Debates: official report, Volume 2, Canada House of Commons (1888): "I do not know what assurance can be given that people can be guaranteed that they do not get shafted, to the favour of some other group."

Assertion #3- Footman Thomas Barrow, played by Rob James-Collier, used the words “get knotted” in the October 9 episode

The phrase is found in: The Westminster Review, Volume 124, Page 402 (1885): “In foreign affairs, when they get knotted, a Special Commissioner is appointed to report upon the situation, and to advise as to means of unravelling the tangled skein of affairs.”

Assertion #4- Head housemaid Anna Smith (Joanne Froggatt) asked John Bates (Brendan Coyle) in last week's drama set in 1917 “So everything in the garden is rosy?”

The phrase, which supposedly wasn’t used at the time, is found in the following from: Fraser's magazine, Volume 19 By Thomas Carlyle, page 606 (1879): “He looked so rosy, so
cheerful, so placid, such a picture of rewarded philosophy and virtue, surely he must be the happiest of mortals.”


From: Vanity Fair: A novel without a hero, By William Makepeace Thackeray, Page 95, (1845): “The honest Irish maid-servant, delighted with the change, asked leave to kiss the face that had grown all of a sudden so rosy.”

From: The complete works of William Shakespeare, Johnson: Page 556, (1863): “Me of my lawful pleasure she restrain'd, And pray'd me, oft, forbearance: did it with A pudency so rosy, the sweet view on't Might vvelghave warm'd old Saturn; that I thought er As chaste as unsunn'd snow :—O, all the devils!” (And Shakespeare actually wrote this over 200 years earlier!)


Assertion #5- Some Downton Abbey viewers have baulked at the use of the word “boyfriend,” as well as the concept of a “professional woman,” which is used to describe a maid who wants to leave domestic service to become a secretary." The latter half of that statement is most amusing, as there are so many, many references to the term “professional women” in newspapers and in books from the 1800s. Too many to choose from, so I picked one that ironically ran in the Telegraph.

It’s an article in an 1898 New York Times, referencing the spirited ongoing debate in the pages of U.K.'s The Daily Telegraph, titled “Should Wives Work? Opinions of English Men & Women-What an American Woman Thinks About It” quite plainly spells it out, quoting a British reader's comment in The Daily Telegraph, “Several professional women, talking sensibly of the subject, say that their business life will make them more careful in the choice of a husband ...”

Etiquette Instructor, Maura J. Graber, runs The RSVP Institute of Etiquette and is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A New Tea Etiquette Book

My newest children's book in the 

Wallflowers and Wildflowers 

series continues with 

"Betty Learns Tea Manners with the Wallflowers and Wildflowers"

Follow Betty, as she learns all about proper afternoon tea manners with the help of the Wallflowers, the Wildflowers and the rest of the family, pets and animals at the Martin family home in San Dimas, California. It is 1922 and little Betty has five cats at the Martin House: the Wallflowers (Daisy and Violet), who live with the family, sheltered inside the cozy home. The Wildflowers (Aster, Johnny Jump-Up, and Sweet William), all outdoor kitties living in the barn and yard, enjoying the birds and butterflies. The Wallflowers and Wildflowers are an enthusiastic group, willing to teach each other how to conduct themselves, and the good manners needed for different environments. Most of all, they teach each other how to best enjoy themselves while using the new manners they learn, with the help of Rags, the loyal family dog. 

I've included some proper tea etiquette for the parents, too!

The art of Christie Shinn, of HoraTora Studios, captures some of the very real animals and characters in this series!

Lovable, and Helpful, Rags the Dog

Rags in 1916, San Dimas

"A book written for children and animal lovers of all ages. Little Betty grew up to become Betty Graber of the historic Graber Olive House in Ontario, California. She told her son, Clifford and daughter in-law, Maura, about her childhood cats a few weeks before her passing in September of 2014. This book is lovingly dedicated to Betty."

Available now at The Graber Olive House  and on Amazon.com

Etiquette and "Owning It"

A vintage picture of a 1960s high school boys' gym class in the La Habra High School pool. 

When I was a new freshman in high school, my English class was given an assignment. Each of us had to write our memoirs. We were pretty young to be writing autobiographical works of our lives up until our freshman high school year, but I suspect our teacher wanted to see how well we wrote, while at the same time learning about each one of us. We were told we had to include three major occurrences in our lives that had affected us deeply, up until that point in time. Fairly easy, I thought. I loved to write and as a typical naval-gazing, self-absorbed teenaged girl, what better subject than to write about but myself?

I knew immediately which life-jolting event was to be the first I would write about and how screwed up I had been for several years that followed. I wrote about the swimming class my mother had enrolled me in at the age of five. My older brother and sister were enrolled as well, but they were in a different class for their age group. The summer classes were at the La Habra High School pool. I lasted through less than one and a half classes.

The first class was spent holding on to the side of the pool, kicking our legs and blowing bubbles into the water, with all of the moms looking on. I was more fixated on the girl next to me in class, whose bathing cap had what appeared to be a rubber ducky of some kind, attached to the top of the cap. I wasn't sure if it was the dorkiest thing I had ever seen, or the coolest. We only had plain, white bathing caps. They were tight, they pinched, and to this day, I remember how they smelled.

My mom never ordered anything this cool looking for herself.

On the second day of swim class, we were lined up alphabetically and told to "jump into the pool." Wait... What? I didn't know how to swim yet, and I knew better at five years of age than to jump into a pool on my own. No way! I froze. My instructors, a young man and young woman, gave me the order a second time, by shouting, "Jump into the pool!" I heard a whistle. I started to cry and shake. The next thing I knew, the female instructor had picked me up and thrown me into the pool. 

I don't remember how I got out of that pool, but it was incredibly fast. I remember the crying, the panicking, the embarrassment of that swim class fail, but more than that, I remember being called "Chicken of the Sea" by my family for the next several years, until I taught myself how to swim in 5th grade. And there I sat, nearly ten years later, while my freshman English teacher quietly proof read my paper. 

My teacher had stopped making comments on how well a sentence worked, or how one may have been written better. She clammed up when she read of my harrowing experience as a small child, being carelessly tossed into the shallow end of that high school pool. The simple fact that her facial expression had suddenly become one of such concern and shock, validated everything I had felt until the day I taught myself to swim.

Then, she looked up at me and asked, "How old are you now? What summer was this?" I told her I was turning 15 in a few months and didn't realize I needed to put dates in the paper, but she stopped me and said, "I am so sorry. I am pretty sure I am the woman that threw you into the pool. I really am just so sorry." 

Floored by her declaration and apology, I think I mumbled something like, "Oh. Um... Wow. That's okay..." Then she explained how she and another English teacher at my school had taught summer swim classes for extra money during college, years before the high school we were sitting in was built. "She taught the older students that summer. I was with the younger students."

I didn't shake the "Chicken of the Sea" nickname my siblings and cousins had given me until 1991. My husband and I had brought back amazing videotape of our nearly 1,000 foot dive down the Cayman Wall in a tiny research submarine, and photos from Stingray City. Swimming with black tipped reef sharks the summer before, wasn't quite enough to lose that nickname of shame, but the submarine was enough.

I told my mother about it that evening while she was making dinner, and she told me that a few years earlier, my older siblings had figured out that the English teacher both of them had during their sophomore years was also their swim teacher. "So you got the woman who threw you kicking and screaming into that pool, huh?" 

Yes I did. And I got a very sincere apology and admittance of guilt from her, too. Two things I had never received from an adult before. I was used to receiving excuses, not apologies, from adults. So yes, I still remember being thrown into the pool, and I don't recommend it as a teaching method. What I do recommend, however, is owning up to one's mistakes. The way my freshman English teacher owned up to hers. With sincerity, honesty, and humility. 

My English teacher didn't have to do anything, but give me tips on my writing. I would have never known her secret. I could have even made my English grade an easy A, by throwing guilt her way, all freshman year long. But I wasn't made like that and neither was she. 

To this day, her honesty and sincerity have stuck with me as testament to the proper way of dealing with our own mistakes, big and small. It is refreshing to remember her candor, after  years of watching our politicians and world leaders, on all sides of the aisles, throw accusations around at one another like spoiled toddlers, rarely admitting mistakes and misdeeds. 

With my English teacher's confession and subsequent apology in mind, I have a few etiquette tips for "owning" one's mistakes, misdeeds, faux pas, and fibs.

Some polite way ways of owning up to one's mistakes, missteps, flat-out lies or social blunders:

1. Admitting the lie by saying something along the lines of, "I am sorry. I was not truthful." or "I knew what I was saying was a lie and I take full responsibility. I am sorry. Please forgive me." or even, "I'm so sorry. I should have told you the truth."
2. Never shooting the messenger, even if the messenger is there only to reveal your blunder, mistake, misstep, or lie.
3. Never drawing attention to other people's mistakes or blunders. Acknowledging your own mistake or blunder, and adding a sincere apology, helps put you in a better light.

Some impolite ways of owning up to one's mistakes, and worst reactions to missteps, flat-out lies or blunders:

1. Trying to get out of a lie by saying something along the lines of, "I misspoke." or "I misunderstood what I was saying." or even, "I should have been more careful with my words."
2. Quibbling over one's definition of a simple word like "is."
3. Drawing attention to other people's mistakes or blunders, without even acknowledging your own mistake or blunder.
4. Completely ignoring the issue, people hurt or those affected by your actions. 

Many people are still trying to come up with their New Year's resolutions for 2017. I am recommending "Owning it" be on the top of the politicians' lists!

Outlander Etiquette and Dress

The bergère hat (also known as a Shepherdess hat) and the ornate dress, are pretty much on target for Louis XV's reign, but a lady never held hands or linked arms with a gentleman. The women’s skirts were so wide, she was to place her hand on top of the gentleman’s bent arm as they strolled through the gardens and chambers of Versailles.

With excitement building for the upcoming new season of Outlander, as with other well done period dramas, I will try not to kill the enjoyment of watching the storyline by fussing over historical inaccuracies I catch in dialogue, wardrobe, or the odd blooper every now and then. 

For one thing, I know it drives my husband nuts. For another, the crews and casts do work very hard to make such shows look so very good. However, I cannot help but notice little details. I spotted the first error in my recent copy of Entertainment Weekly, and the new season hasn't even started. I am hoping the etiquette blooper above is simply a one-off, from a publicity photo shoot – a photographer thought it would look better for them to link arms, or ??? I will most likely never know. So from this point on, I will simply try to ignore anything that rudely jumps out at me and keep my popcorn consumption to a minimum.

Clothing and Etiquette at Versailles:

When Louis XIV came to the throne in 1643, the fashion capital of the world wasn’t Paris, but Madrid. Taste tends to follow power, and for the past two centuries or so Spain had been enjoying its Golden Age, amassing a vast global empire that fueled a booming domestic economy. Spanish style was tight and rigid—both physically and figuratively—and predominantly black. Not only was black considered to be sober and dignified by the staunchly Catholic Habsburg monarchy, but high-quality black dye was extremely expensive, and the Spanish flaunted their wealth by using as much of it as possible. They advertised their imperial ambitions, as well, for Spain imported logwood—a key dyestuff—from its colonies in modern-day Mexico. While Spain’s explorers and armies conquered the New World, her fashions conquered the old one, and Spanish style was adopted at courts throughout Europe.

At Versailles, a strict code of court dress and etiquette ensured a steady market for French-made clothing and jewelry. Louis has been accused of trying to control his nobles by forcing them to bankrupt themselves on French fashions, but, in fact, he often underwrote these expenses, believing that luxury was necessary not only to the economic health of the country but to the prestige and very survival of the monarchy. France soon became the dominant political and economic power in Europe, and French fashion began to eclipse Spanish fashion from Italy to the Netherlands. French was the new black.

A lady of Versailles never held hands or linked arms with a gentleman. It was in very bad taste and nearly impossible because a woman’s skirts were so wide. She was to place her hand on top of the gentleman’s bent arm as they strolled through the gardens and chambers of Versailles. Ladies were only allowed to touch their fingertips with the men.  

— Sources - Atlantic Monthly and Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

New Youth Etiquette Classes for 2016

Etiquette Classes in the Inland Empire

Start Sunday, February 28th!

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette continues to

offer ongoing, coed etiquette classes, at the

historic Graber Olive House in Ontario, 

with new courses starting February 28th! 

Every student is encouraged to develop the social skills vitally needed for smooth sailing throughout life... 

The 6 hour total, youth courses for ages 6 to 16, 

will be held every Sunday afternoon, 

from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m., for 3 weeks. 

The $75.00 per student fee, includes foods to practice dining skills with and all necessary learning materials! 

Now in our 26th year, we are always adding new subjects and great foods to practice dining skills that are taught!

                                                                       

Each student receives weekly session handouts in order to practice lessons they are taught in our classes, when they are at home and at school. Role modeling, games and foods all help to practice the skills and lessons taught. The three, 2-hour session, courses cover:
• Basic Social Graces, Introductions and Greetings
• Dining Skills and Table Manners
• Manners for Home and Abroad
• Respect for Self and Others,
• Deflecting Peer Pressure
• Responding to RSVPs
• Notes of Thanks
• Social Media Manners and Digital Manners
• Making Eye Contact, Great Posture and Grooming 

Fun games and prizes help reinforce skills taught!

The Graber Olive House is located at 315 East Fourth Street, Ontario, CA 91764 

Phone–909 983-1761 

Questions? Contact
Maura J. Graber at rsvpinstitute@gmail.com for a registration form, or call The RSVP Institute of Etiquette at 909 923-5650 or Outside 909 800-891-RSVP Check, Cash or PayPal accepted

Immortalizing Betty Graber's Childhood

Bringing Betty Graber's childhood and pets to life in a new book.

 One year ago today, we laid my mother-in-law to rest. Betty Graber was a formidable woman. To say that we always saw eye to eye would be a lie, but there was mutual respect that helped us develop a close relationship over the years.  

One of Betty's Wallflowers, "Violet"

Betty was a lover and patron of the arts. She loved and appreciated great literature, too. She was just at home whether in the great outdoors, or in her own home. And, of course, she also loved the Graber Olive House. 

                                              

Rags was one of the family dogs.

Betty once told me that she thought it would be fun to tell people she had lived to 100. I was disappointed that she didn't get to realize that dream. She made it to 98, just two-years shy of her goal. So it seems only fitting, on this weekend, to announce the upcoming book that Betty inspired.

"Rags" from the upcoming book.

A few weeks before Betty left us, Cliff and I were talking about cats while on one of our visits to her.  I asked Betty if she had any pet cats when growing up.  She then proceeded to tell us about the cats from her childhood. It was a story of her pets that my husband had never heard. On our drive home, I remarked that the pets could be used to help teach valuable, children's etiquette lessons.

Christie Shinn, of HoraTora Studios

With the help of the wonderful illustrator, Christie Shinn, "The Wallflowers and Wildflowers Learn Manners" will soon be published and brings Betty, her family and their pets, back to life at the Martin House in San Dimas of 1922. 

In loving memory of Betty Bowden Graber
1916 - 2014

Look for more on the book, upcoming book readings and book signings, in the coming weeks!

More Etiquette for Gloves and a Royal Glovemaker for Downton Abbey

Wearing gloves while eating or drinking is a violation of good manners.

Back in January, I blogged about a query I received from a tea specialist (more of a lament than a query) on etiquette and gloved hands with drinks in them, on the popular period drama, Downton Abbey.  She was lamenting the fact that they were so incorrect with their glove manners on such an otherwise great show.  I had told her that I gave the show a pass on that particular faux pas, as they get so many other things historically accurate, and I then quoted Judith Martin, who once wrote, "The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for 'class.'"

Another etiquette violation in period film: To not wear gloves while dancing in the Regency Era, would find a young woman shunned by "good society."

I received another glove etiquette query, which I have had no success in finding an answer to in any of my old books.  This one was asked on Google+ by a reader, and she even included a photo.  The photo is of Gwyneth Paltrow in the movie "Emma," wearing gloves while playing the piano.

I could only find information on one woman, who was not a cartoon character, who wore gloves and played the piano.  Hers was a cabaret act, however, and I am not sure people actually went to hear her skills as a pianist.  So with regard to etiquette, wearing gloves while trying to play the piano is a "no-no."

A few weeks later, I received this email below,  from royal glove maker, Genevieve James.  

Hi Maura
I came across your blog when I was looking for our images of our gloves.  For your interest we made the gloves for Downton Abbey for the last series and the one before.
I thought your blog was great and lovely to see an interest in the etiquette of wearing them.
With my best wishes,  Genevieve   
 Genevieve James  Design Director  Cornelia James Ltd

Cornelia, Genevieve's mother, founded the company.

I immediately called Bernadette, who had asked me the original question about Downton Abbey and the glove etiquette.  She and I had previously discussed her love of the fashions on Downton Abbey and she had been looking to purchase some.  I sent a response to Genevieve, and asked if she sold her gloves online, and if she shipped to the U.S.  Her answers were "Yes" and "Yes."  So if you are inclined to take a look at the beautiful gloves she has available for purchase, you will find them at Cornelia James.com

She offers day gloves, evening gloves, lace gloves, leather gloves, and more.  I may even order a pair, as I have a birthday coming up, though I really only wear gloves for driving.  I am the only person I know anymore, who actually has gloves in the glove compartment of my car.  I keep three pairs of gloves in there and people are always a bit surprised.  But even in sunny, Southern California, my hands can, and do, get cold driving at night.

More gloves by Genevieve James; Downton Abbey can get it very right... Downton Abbey's gloved ones with not a drink, nor morsel of food, cigarette, or piano in sight!

  

Etiquette rules regarding gloves for men were just as strict as the etiquette rules for women wearing gloves.

"To be in the fashion, an Englishman must wear six pairs of gloves in a day"

On the subject of gloves, Cecil B. Hartley wrote in "The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness" of 1860 

"An English writer, ridiculing the whims of Fashion, says: —

'To be in the fashion, an Englishman must wear six pairs of gloves in a day:

In the morning, he must drive his hunting wagon in reindeer gloves.

In hunting, he must wear gloves of chamois skin.

To enter London in his tilbury, beaver skin gloves.

Later in the day, to promenade in Hyde Park, colored kid gloves, dark.

When he dines out, colored kid gloves, light.

For the ball-room, white kid gloves.

Thus his yearly bill for gloves alone will amount to a most extravagant sum.'"

Below is a variety of rules from different authorities on glove etiquette for men and women: 

From “Martine's Hand-book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness.” 1866

Under Habits at Table 

“Neither ladies nor gentlemen ever wear gloves at table, unless their hands, from some cause, are not fit to be seen.” 

Under Street Etiquette 

“Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark gloves, as you may soil her white ones.”

“You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the glove should be on—especially if it is a lady with whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove.”

Under Marriage 

“When arrived at the altar, the father of the bride, or, in default of such relation, the nearest connexion, or some old friend, gives away the bride. The bridesmaids stand near the bride; and either her sister, or some favorite friend, will hold the gloves or handkerchief, as may be required, when she ungloves her hand for the wedding-ring.”

Under General Society 

“Never allow a lady to get a chair for herself, ring a bell, pick up a handkerchief or glove she may have dropped, or, in short, perform any service for herself which you can perform for her, when you are in the room.”

“Gloves should be worn by ladies in church, and in places of public amusement. Do not take them off to shake hands. Great care should be taken that they are well made and fit neatly.” 

Under Dress “With this suit, and well-made shoes, clean gloves, a white pocket-handkerchief, and an easy and graceful deportment withal, he may pass muster as a gentleman.”

From Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette.” 1919 

Under A Few Points on Dress “Where dancing is expected to take place, no one should go without new kid gloves; nothing is so revolting as to see one person in an assembly ungloved, especially where the heat of the room, and the exercise together, are sure to make the hands redder than usual. Always wear your gloves in church or in a theater.”

“At the funeral of a near relative, a man wears black, including gloves, and a mourning band around his hat. Subsequently he may continue to wear black for several months, or, if this is not feasible, the hat-band of bombazine is accounted a sufficient mark of respect.” 

“The well-dressed man will consult his tailor and furnisher. Hats, boots, and gloves, the extremes of every perfect costume, are important exponents of good style; and careful attention to their choice and wearing is essential to complete and effective dressing.” 

Under Public Assemblies “Shall ladies join in applause? As a matter of fact, women seldom applaud, but not because  propriety necessarily forbids; it is chiefly because the tight-fitting kid glove renders "clapping" a mechanical impossibility. Feminine enthusiasm is quite equal to it at times, as, for instance, when listening to a favorite elocutionist or violinist. There is no reason why ladies may not "clap," if they can. It certainly is quite as lady-like and orderly as for them to give vent to their enthusiasm, as many do, in audible exclamations of "Too sweet for anything!" "Just too lovely!" etc., all of which might have been "conducted off" at the finger-tips if hand-clapping had been a feasible medium of expression.”

From Emily Post, "Etiquette" 1922

Under “Etiquette Of Gloves And Napkin"

Ladies always wear gloves to formal dinners and take them off at table. Entirely off. It is hideous to leave them on the arm, merely turning back the hands. Both gloves and fan are supposed to be laid across the lap, and one is supposed to lay the napkin folded once in half across the lap too, on top of the gloves and fan, and all three are supposed to stay in place on a slippery satin skirt on a little lap, that more often than not slants downward.

It is all very well for etiquette to say "They stay there," but every woman knows they don't! And this is quite a nice question: If you obey etiquette and lay the napkin on top of the fan and gloves loosely across your satin-covered knees, it will depend merely upon the heaviness and position of the fan's handle whether the avalanche starts right, left or forward, onto the floor. There is just one way to keep these four articles (including the lap as one) from disintegrating, which is to put the napkin cornerwise across your knees and tuck the two side corners under like a lap robe, with the gloves and the fan tied in place as it were. This ought not to be put in a book of etiquette, which should say you must do nothing of the kind, but it is either do that or have the gentleman next you groping under the table at the end of the meal; and it is impossible to imagine that etiquette should wish to conserve the picture of "gentlemen on all fours" as the concluding ceremonial at dinners.”