Thanksgiving Etiquette for Guests

One of my favorite photos of me with my Uncle Jack at a Thanksgiving dinner in my aunt’s and uncle’s home, nearly 40 years ago. It’s a bit fuzzy, but his easy going smile and friendly demeanor put anyone at ease He had impeccable manners and was my ideal of a true gentleman. He was a ladies man and a man’s man. He passed away on October 26th. Rest in peace, Uncle Jack.

Twelve Tips for Being a Welcome Thanksgiving  Guest 

1. Don’t enter a home asking for the television remote, video controller or the wifi password. You’re there to visit and socialize. Instead, greet your host &/or hostess and thank them for having you. 
2. Holidays already bring unexpected surprises. Never show up with an “extra” guest or friend in tow unless you’ve politely discussed the matter with your host/s.
3. If you are “bringing a dish,” and you know the host’s or hostess’s taste in tableware, bringing an actual dish with your food as a hostess gift is a thoughtful touch. Ex: Your sister collects old, blue and white transferware. You spot unique bowls she’d love online and on sale. Pick a pretty style for her to keep and bring your famous cranberry sauce in it, ready to serve. 
4. If you aren’t already helping out in the kitchen, ask what you can do to assist. Many hosts & hostesses don’t want help in the kitchen, but may need help in making sure guests’ glasses are on coasters, guests’ coats are hung up or that children aren’t underfoot. Some hosts and hostesses need help with setting the table. Offer to make yourself useful.
5. If your hosts have the big game on, parade or holiday marathon, go ahead and watch. Just don’t ignore others or let it monopolize your attention.
6. Your cellphone should be set aside for face to face communication with others and taking occasional photos. Keep your phone out of sight unless it’s needed. If you get a personal call, step into another room or go outside to take the call.
7. Ask where you should sit at the table, unless your host instructs you to, “sit anywhere.” If there are place cards, sit where the host/s have placed you. It is the rudest of gusts who will rearrange place cards at someone else’s table.
8. Never criticize the food or how it’s prepared. If you don’t care for something, simply pass on the dish, or pass it on to the next guest without comment.
9. Keep political opinions and other hot topics out of your conversation. Regardless of your passions or opinions, seasonal get-togethers are not the time for division, especially in someone else’s home.
10. Don’t expect to take home leftovers, even if it’s the norm in your family or circle. Food prices have skyrocketed the past few years and some families have started asking guests to chip in on the cost of the meal. Leftovers may only be up for grabs if you’ve contributed monetarily to the meal. 
11. Holidays can be a lonely time for people, even those attending large gatherings. Be polite and try to chat with anyone who looks like they need some kindness sent their way.
12. Don’t overstay your welcome and always thank your hosts when you leave.

 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thanksgiving Thoughts and Notes of "Thanks"

Giving Thanks to All

Being thankful really is something most people should practice year round, however a lot of people I run into seem to be anything but thankful these last few years.  Many people seem to be drained and anxiety filled. Others I know, go into bouts of depression for months at a time.  I try to reach them to offer encouragement, but they make it very hard if they will not pick up the phone or respond to cards and emails.

I'll admit, there are brief moments when I start to feel sorry for myself, or I let depression sneak in when I am in pain or not able to conquer tasks that need to be taken care of, on any random day. However I try to overcome negative thoughts by reminding myself of a few things;

The sentiments of this vintage Thanksgiving card are especially meaningful to me.

I have food in my pantry.  Millions of people throughout the world go to sleep each night hungry. And though my health leaves so much to be desired these last few years, and I would need a miracle to be as healthy as I was even 4 years ago, I am not wheelchair bound, unable to speak or move, as is the case with my niece's new father in-law.  He has been suffering from ALS for several years now.  Seeing him at my niece's wedding a few weeks back, I was struck by the fact that he cannot be much older than me and he must feel as if he is in a prison. 

No, I have a lot to be thankful for when I see others who have so little. I have the ability to work and share a skill, though my doctor advised me to stop long ago. I am thankful for the help of all my friends these past few challenging years.  Especially the help and support of Demita and Alicia, who are willing to do the physical things for me that I can no longer do and continue working. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my medical insurance. Most importantly, I have a roof over my head, while so many people do not.

My kids are healthy and employed. Many throughout the U.S. and world are not healthy and are not employed. I am thankful that I live in the United States, where I have a bounty of freedoms and a better quality of life than in many countries around the world.  Above all, I try to remember that life is short, and in this short amount of time I have been given, I need to never forget to say, "Thank you" and really feel appreciative for all that I have been blessed with over my lifetime.

Saying "thank you" takes so little time and effort.  It means much to others, in a world in which people are more apt to complain about poor service than praise good service.  In a world where people are more likely to pass by others without giving a smile.  A world in which strangers avoid situations when help should be given, instead of offering a helping hand. In this world we share with others, saying "thanks" and showing appreciation is at the very least, a truly civil and polite thing that one can do.