The Abuses of Proper Etiquette in TV and Films

"It's 'Your Majesty' the first time.  After that, it's 'ma'am', as in 'ham'. Not 'ma'am', as in 'palm'."  Helena Bonham Carter, as quoted in "The King's Speech"

Guest Blogger Corey Peterson of New Zealand returns with this post on etiquette in period films and television;

When watching a film or television show, I have developed a habit of picking out all the faults and inaccuracies played out on screen. One of the most annoying for me, normally regarding Queen Victoria, is when they do not follow the "it's ‘ma’am as in ham, not ma’am as in palm’" rule or they address her as ma’am as soon as they meet.  The Queen would be, and should be, addressed as ‘Your Majesty’ when first addressing her, and from then on it is either Madame or ma’am, which either fits best at the time.

1975's "Edward the Eleventh" was renamed "Edward the King"

She is addressed as ‘Her Majesty, the Queen’ in communications via the post and then any subsequent references should be ‘The Queen’.  I have recently been watching the 1975 hit show, 'Edward the Seventh,' and the poor use of the rule,"ma’am as in ham, not ma’am as in palm" annoys me.  I often comment on how poorly they address Her Majesty as well as the abuses of simple etiquette rules and guidelines, such as posture and the incorrect usage of flatware.

Dame Judi Dench as "Mrs. Brown"

Another film that I found aggravatingly annoying was the dinner scene on "Mrs. Brown" starring Dame Judi Dench as Queen Victoria.  When the young Prince of Wales tapped his mother’s fine crystal with the back of his knife to draw attention to himself.  This in itself was vulgar but the manner of his conversation was even more so.  It is to me, a letdown when I am watching a period drama or film and the actors have not studied or listened to the etiquette rules and guidelines set at the time.

 Ladies of Cranford

But not all shows have neglected etiquette. One of my favourite and most loved period pieces is "Cranford."  The show is based on the works of Mrs. Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell’s most loved novellas, namely "Cranford", "My Lady Ludlow" and "Mr. Harrison’s Confessions." The characters, Miss Deborah (played by Eileen Atkins) and "Miss Matilda "Matty" Jenkyns" (played by Dame Judi Dench) are the two main characters and are sisters.  The pair are both spinsters and they own a house together.  Miss Deborah is the older, more proper sister; often corrects their maid, Martha, when she abuses proper code of etiquette.  Miss Matilda is the younger, more sheltered sister, who follows her elder sister’s proper use of etiquette.
 

"Miss Deborah is the older, more proper sister; often corrects their maid, Martha, when she abuses proper code of etiquette."

Almost all landowners over a certain age in "Cranford" are women and the etiquette used is still rigidly reinforced.  When we first meet the Jenkyns sisters, it is 1842.  The town is still a rather stiff and traditional one. With the arrival of many new characters, the etiquette rules are placed in jeopardy, which distresses and disturbs Miss Deborah.

 

Ladies from "Return to Cranford"

Without being too plot heavy, upon the death of a character, a sister is the only member remaining in the family.  When she wishes to walk her sister to the grave in her funeral procession, it was perceived as extremely ill-mannered at the time.  However, Miss Deborah surprises her sister and friends by not only condoning the gesture, but even following along with her as a show of support and an understanding her grief.

 

I highly recommend 'Cranford' to anyone who wishes to see a series with proper etiquette and an extremely touching storyline.

A 14 Year Old's Experience Learning Manners and Etiquette

From Guest Blogger 14 year old Corey Peterson in New Zealand

I thought learning etiquette would be a piece of cake.  I thought I would be able to pick them up, no sweat. But then when I started, it was completely different to what I had expected! There are so many utensils, manners, rules and proper ways of doing every day things.

 One of the hardest for me is sitting up straight. I tend to slouch, because I forget to sit up or I am sitting up and it becomes painful. I know if I keep slouching, it won’t be good for my back, so I am trying a thousand times harder to break the habit and correct my bad posture. I tend to walk with quite a straight back, so that bit is not as hard. I have been asked a few times in class why I am sitting like "a formal idiot" and I always tell them that I am trying to be a gentleman, as I don’t want to be a boy my whole life! Other teens these days can be pretty cruel, but I am not letting that stop me. I believe that etiquette will help me to be well-mannered in life.

A grouping of Maura Graber's 'knorks', antique and modern, from left to right- A pie fork, a cake or pastry fork, a modern 'one-handed eating tool' with the reverse side showing above it, a pickle fork and a modern cheese or fruit 'knork'.

What particularly interests me, is formal and informal gatherings, like teas (though they are mainly for women, I still have an interest) and formal dinners. I am intrigued by all the utensils, table manners, rules etc...  I love the historic side of it more than anything.  (One reason that I became such a fan of Downton Abbey).  If you had asked me what it was that Maura Graber calls a 'knork' last month, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Now, I know that a 'knork' is any fork and knife combination utensil, all in one.  They are normally used to eat cake or pie.  A 'knork' was also was used from 1797 on, by Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson after he was attacked fighting in the Napoleonic Wars, resulting in the loss of his right arm.

In 1793, Nelson was given command of the British naval ship, Agamemnon.  He served in the Mediterranean, helped capture Corsica and saw battle at Calvi. He lost his right arm at the Battle of Santa Cruz de Tenerife in 1797. He subsequently used, what came to be known as, a 'Nelson Fork' as shown below.

A Nelson Fork

 I would like to thank Maura for helping me start my dining history business, "The What’lery of Cutlery", and for everything she has done to help me! I have learnt many things from our Skype calls as well as her well written book.  I learn something new every day from Maura, from how to find historical newspaper articles, to how to get more precise matches on Google, and of course, dining history! I love public speaking, meeting people and showing people things.  I now have an advantage, as what I am doing is unique here in New Zealand, so I have my own niche market. As Maura has told me, "People become more interested when you mention the history of the utensil." I hope to use this to aid me in my goals. 

I was talking to a relief teacher the other day and he asked me why all my work in this class [digital media, which involves work on the computer with colour, patterns, layouts etc] looked formal, or very elegant. I told him I have a love for the ways of the old and that the colours work excellently together, better than those of newer, modern colours.  As he was going through my folder, he came across the business cards I have been working all so very hard on.  He asked me what I meant by "utensils and dining history" on the cards. I explained that I am learning from a very knowledgeable lady about flatware, their uses, and the history behind them of how people once dined.  He asked me to tell him about an unusual utensil, so I told him about the Dutch mango fork. 

Mangoes are the 'most eaten' fruit worldwide, with over 2,000 varieties. Above- A selection of mango forks, from left to right- Dutch-made fork, French-made fork, 2nd Dutch-made fork, Mexican-made fork, British-made fork & 3rd Dutch-made fork.  All for holding a mango steady, to cut into with a fruit knife or fruit spoon.

I explained the forks appearance, with one long prong in the center and two shorter ones on the outside. I explained that you can push the longer prong through the pip, and then the shorter prongs hold the mango in place, enabling you to cut the mango to eat.  He was fascinated and he said that with my determination, I could change the world.  I have told a few other people about what I am learning too, and most have been interested. A very small minority though have told me that I am ‘boring’ and too much of a ‘traditionalist’. 

Some have said it is great I'm teaching the new generation the use of utensils, others have said that it is a waste of time as no one has any use for these utensils. I tell them that knowing about the utensils doesn’t mean you have to use them, but it does teach someone something. The fact that most people are interested though, means people do want to know the history behind forks and how they came to be used for everything people eat around the world.  

Pioneering Astronauts and the Etiquette of Dining in Space

 "I am, and ever will be, a white socks, pocket protector, nerdy engineer." ~ Neil Armstrong

Rest in peace...

1969 ~ Neil Armstrong playing ball with his son

This is a post of many subjects today.  An update on Corey Peterson (@downtonabblings), young boys not only becoming men, but fulfilling dreams, and a tribute to Neil Armstrong and all of those pioneering astronauts who inspired people the world over by going to the moon.

Corey and I have been sending emails back and forth for a while now. A few weeks back, I sent Corey a large package of flatware.  Some were antique and and some were new utensils.  Corey needs braces, but cannot afford them.  To reach his goal of getting braces, and combining the flatware with his love of history, I am teaching Corey how to give talks in New Zealand like I do for groups, on the history of flatware, designs for the variety of foods that came in to fashion over the years and how dining has evolved.

Corey does not like to smile in photos, as his teeth are in bad need of braces.  One of his favorite utensils is a mustache spoon I sent him.

We Skype and I go over the history of each utensil, I tie it into modern designs for the physically challenged and talk about the future of dining.  One of the things that came up, just in the last few days, was how astronauts ate early on in their space flights.  I told him about Alan Bean, the fourth man to walk on the moon, but the first man to eat spaghetti on the moon! I sent him photos and information that I use in my classes when I talk about dining manners for astronauts.

Early foods and beverages were in toothpaste-like tubes, like these in the  cosmonaut meal shown above and below.

Ours didn't look much more appetizing, as this "Apollo beverage" looks like something one would hang on a hamster cage.  The cereal below looks unappetizing, to say the least.

 In July of 1969, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon. An amazing event.  I can remember watching, like every other person with a television set, in wide-eyed wonder at the achievement.  My older brother was 14 at the time.  The same age as Corey is now. The moon walkers, astronauts before, and astronauts after, all fascinated my big brother.
 

Alan Bean, Former NASA Astronaut, Moon-Walker in November 1969

I got a chance to interview Bean, a retired USN Captain, former NASA astronaut and one of a handful of moon-walkers, a few years back because of my brother's fascination with what we watched in 1969.  My brother Kevin, aka Mr. Smarty Pants, or 'Astro-Nut', has long collected memorabilia of space exploration.  When he found out that Bean was an artist now, and created beautiful paintings based on his recollections of the moon and space, my brother decided to buy one of his works of art. Not long after, Bean and most of the remaining living moon-walkers at the time, were going to be in Southern California for an event and invited my brother and his wife to join them all for lunch.  My brother was over the moon to be meeting them all in person!

Alan Bean (l) and my brother Kevin (r), discuss the painting.  My brother was 'over the moon' to meet heroes from his youth.

About that time, I was researching dining customs and came across an article about eating in zero gravity.  The next time the family got together, I mentioned astronaut foods and how they have evolved with Kevin.  He asked, "Would you be interested in talking to an astronaut about what it was like?  I can call Alan Bean and ask him if he would let you interview him."  I was thrilled!

One of the handouts I give to students in classes is on dining in zero-gravity.  Just in case they ever find themselves in zero-gravity.

Alan Bean did agree to a telephone interview with me.  He was charming and funny.  I asked why being the first man to eat spaghetti on the moon was so important to him.  (He wants that achievement on his tombstone when he dies.) He said that he had learned when he was in college, that spaghetti was inexpensive to eat, so he ate it every day. 

Alan Bean- A life long spaghetti-lover!

 He loves spaghetti, and was thrilled when the NASA nutritionists added spaghetti to the Apollo foods, though he did worry that Neil Armstrong or Buzz Aldrin would beat him to the punch.  Fortunately, they didn't.  He wasn't wild about the taste, and said it was a brownish color.  His favorite Apollo food was the chili and with good reason. Living in zero-gravity dulls one's taste buds, so spicy food is good to have.  

You've got to watch those chili "bullets"!

 He recalled one day "floating by" his space flight mates, and commenting that his shirt was perfectly clean.  Their white T-shirts were a mess.  They responded, that yes, they were a mess, but that it was chili, and he was the one that was eating chili.  Bean said that the "spoon bags" that the chili and spaghetti were in, were a bit difficult. That one had to “eat rather slowly & carefully,” to avoid having bits of  food or gravy “shoot out like little bullets” & float around the spacecraft or onto the other astronauts.  Their dirty T-shirts were the result of Bean eating his chili so fast!

Bean would take Fritos Scoops

He admitted that if he was still an astronaut today, as they get to take some store bought foods with them into space now, he would bring "as many 'Fritos Scoops' and cookies as they'd" let him bring on board.  We talked about many other things, but those are for another post.  Like I said, this post is about many things.  I never dreamed I would be looking at a computer screen, talking with a 14 year old in New Zealand and teaching him how he can raise funds to fulfill a dream of straight teeth.  Just as my brother never dreamed he would be meeting those men he watched on television, who had flown into space and  who walked on the moon.  

After all, it was my brother's enthusiasm for space and the photo he took of Venus' transit of the moon that I had posted, along with a news tweet of where to watch the event in New Zealand, mixed with '@downtonabblings' Corey's enthusiasm for a television show about Edwardian Era England, that caused our paths to cross.  Two 14 year olds, separated by time and space, brought together by a tweet and a television show.  I do hope there are many more 14 year olds out in the world today, with dreams as big as the universe, and that their dreams are eventually fulfilled.  If they are spaceflight enthusiasts watching astronauts, or history lovers watching period dramas like 'Downton Abbey', they may succeed.  If however, their televisions are tuned into 'Toddlers and Tiaras' Honey-Boo-Boo, the future of our world is questionable!

I watched men walk on the moon, kids today watch Honey Boo Boo.  This photo sums up all that is wrong with t.v. today!