Who Needs Halloween? Social Networking Sites... The New Frights

Halloween 1984

Who needs Halloween for tricks, treats & frights when we have Facebook and LinkedIn?  Worldwide, security breached, plagues of portals, for your past to come back to haunt you 365 days a year.  They suck more out of one's life than anything from Twilight or True Blood, and have more surprises at every turn than well crafted, amusement park haunted houses.  

They also, rather nonchalantly, heist email addresses from your computer with a simple question like, "Want to see if any of your contacts are also on (whatever site one is on)?"  One click and every person I have ever sold things to on Ebay, or whose email address was sent to me because only a small portion of the population seems to know what "Bcc" stands for, then pops up.  I closed my Facebook account 2 years ago, and just recently discovered LinkedIn had become just as intrusive.  

I was getting requests from people I may have exchanged one or two emails with, or parents whose kids I taught 10 years ago, and so on.  I only have my company name, phone number, etc... now, and I no longer accept invitations to connect with others.

I tried Facebook at the requests of friends, not realizing that the requests were from the portal itself, not really from my friends.  After signing up, I was bombarded daily with long lists of people that, yes I did know, but possibly didn't want to share anything other than a business connection.  I wondered, How did Facebook know I knew these people? I looked at the list and got it. Facebook pulled them from your email account, you big dumb bunny! 

With several email addresses, I knew why Facebook wanted to be in my email account and I was none too happy. However I figured that as I was finally connecting with some old friends who I rarely get to see, I would just ignore the pleas to add them as my Facebook friends. Common sense took a back seat for those few weeks.

I posted some photos, a little bit of a bio on myself, listed my favorite things... the usual nonsense.  About 2 weeks in to my Facebook foray, an old high school chum left a message on my Facebook wall.  It read, "Remember the time we went to the nude beach?"  Yes, I did remember we had stumbled on to a private beach in Laguna, back in the mid-seventies.  As we laid out our towels and got our tanning lotion on, we noticed that though we had our bikinis on, no one else at the sparsely populated beach was clothed. We had driven around for so long looking for a beach with no kids running around and screaming, we decided to stay, not to pay attention to anyone else, act natural (not au naturale) and work on our tans.  

Knowing that people Google my name to check my business out, I tried in vain for 3 days to get that remark off my wall.  What would parents or corporations looking to hire me make of it?  My past was haunting me.  Now I was a teen in the 1970s, and that one event was pretty tame, but after reading some of the delusional, misogynistic, destructive, bigoted, character assassinating comments people leave on websites, I didn't want anything more left on my wall to haunt me.  Real or imagined.  Again, I was a teen in the 1970s.  A crazy age in a crazy era, when .... well, let's just say I would rather forget a lot of the 1970s.  In fact, if I could, there are many parts of the 1980s I would like to claim amnesia on as well.  Even better, now I would like to forget Facebook.

There is a bigger, scarier bogeyman out there, besides social networking sites, in our world wide web.  Our younger generations are losing out on learning vital interpersonal skills.  Being more globally connected, sadly has affected social skills needed to navigate one's way through life. Awareness of posture, eye contact and observing non-verbal cues from others, is a skill that is being lost to our younger generations.  Family communication suffers as well.  I closed my Facebook account and am rarely on LinkedIn any longer.  If I ever do want to be haunted, I can just look through my old high school and junior high school yearbooks.  They are scary enough for me!

Cell Phone Etiquette & Tech Manners.... For Use When You Do Not Wish to Become the Newest Social Pariah

I found this "cell citation" on line and had a good laugh. I would never recommend using it however, unless you want to display just as much rudeness as the person you wish to chastise. Your rude reaction to someone's rude action do not cancel each other out. It does not make you "even." Etiquette does not quite work that way.

I am sure I have violated one or two of these infractions listed below , but I do so very rarely. And while I found this amusing, it is just like I tell my younger etiquette class students; There are many rude things you will see and hear people say and do in movies and on television. They get lots of laughs on the screen, but in real life these things hurt other people's feelings and can cause a lot of anger. Life does not come with a soundtrack or laugh track. Relationships with family members and friends are not usually mended in an hour or so. Sometimes, they are never mended simply because someone opened his or her mouth and said things he or she should not have said.

A few years ago after teaching a manners class at a local school in which I covered cell phone manners, I received an email from a student. He was in third grade, and quite sharp for his age. His email read, "Dear Manners Teacher, Why weren't restaurant tables near the pay phones more popular years ago?" Wow! He had actually read the handout he had received that day on cell phone manners? I praised him for reading all of his handouts and explained why sitting next to a pay phone was about as popular as sitting next to the restrooms. At his age, he probably did not recall ever seeing a pay phone. Come to think of it, the last ones I saw were in Amsterdam in 2007 and the area was covered with graffiti. (The eye pollution of graffiti and the teens that leave their mark with it must be universal.)

Tonight I was listening to the local news and saw a segment on diners complaining about other restaurant patrons using their cell phones next to them in restaurants. Hmmmph! For years I have been hearing restaurant management and staff complaining about the same thing every time I go for staff training at restaurants. I know a few have taken my advice and established cell phone zones for their patrons, but for the most part I usually hear, "Corporate has to make that decision." Ironically it may be patrons making that decision for corporate, with their lack of frequenting establishments who allow tech gadget use to go unchecked by diners. One patron interviewed for the news segment said that he was guilty of using his cell phone in restaurants because he wanted to, "stay socially connected." I know I for one would rather eat in a quiet and calm dining environment, focusing on my dining companions and our conversation, so I avoid restaurants with the noise equivalent of a busy Chuck E. Cheese. I also know though, that as we are staying more "connected" via tech gadgets, we as a society are actually less personally connected to one another. Want to really stay socially connected? Schedule a time to get together with old friends more, and do it in person. Send an actual hand written letter, or a funny card to a friend or relative you are unable to see in person. Hug a loved one. A hug says much more than a text message ever can. Oh yes... and try to follow my rules that follow.

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette's
Common Sense Etiquette for Cell Phones & More...

1. Don’t use your cell phones in restaurants, unless you are doing so in a "cell zone" that the restaurant has set aside for just such a purpose. If everyone wanted to listen to one side of a stranger’s phone call while eating in restaurants, the tables and booths by the pay phones would have been much more desirable years ago. As I recall from my restaurant management days, that was rarely the case.

2. If you absolutely have to take or make a call, keep your voice down so as to not distract or annoy others around you. Refrain from “cell yell”, arguments, playing referee to arguments, foul language, or calls of a personal nature.

3. If you are a visitor for the first time in someone’s home when your cell starts ringing, show some class, or you’ll become part of the fastest growing social nuisance. Ask for permission to take the call first, or step in to another room (not the bathroom, puh-leez!) or step outside to make or take any calls.

4. Learn to text if you are tethered to your phone. It’s more quiet and usually less obvious. Office buildings, shopping malls, grocery stores, etc.... are all areas I really do not mind someone texting in, as long as he or she is not laughing hysterically, muttering while texting, or the person texting is the cashier that is supposed to be ringing up my purchases. Never text while driving. Do not text, or read text messages, while sitting in dark movie theaters, in any house of worship, or if someone is talking to you about any matter of importance.

5. Under no circumstances should you take someone’s picture with your phone without permission to do so.

6. An earpiece is great for cutting the cord. Unfortunately you can sometimes appear to be wandering around talking to yourself. Use the same rules for any other type of cell phone call. Excuse yourself to take or make calls, or have the courtesy of letting others around you know that you are talking to someone, and it cannot be avoided.

Laptops, Notebooks & Blackberry, iPhones, iPads & PDAs, Etc... 
 
1. To be able to take your classroom or office with you, wherever you go, is certainly a technological leap the world could not have truly imagined 50 years ago. It is also something that people don’t necessarily want seen today. There are places designed specifically for the student, writer, business professional, etc... to set up their offices and work. If you are not in one of those places, leave your laptop alone.

2. When dining or visiting with friends or colleagues, it is impolite for one to pretend he or she is involved in the conversation at hand, while one is actually perusing their messages or surfing the web on one’s iPhone or other hand held device. Unless it is something to share with everyone else, excuse yourself and leave the room or read your messages and web surf at a later time.

3. Poor laptop manners have sent more than one student out of a class or employee packing with a pink slip. Find out any policies regarding open laptops in meetings, etc... (The biggest complaint from teachers? Cheating on tests. Employers? Employees checking email on their laptops or hand held devices during meetings.)

4. NEVER watch or stare as someone is entering a password or pin number. Be polite and look away, or step away, while someone is using passwords, etc... Other

Toys & Gadgets-
1. Keep the volume off when using “Game Boys” and any other hand held games while out in public. This goes for robotic toys and other such noise. Listening to iPods,and other Mp3 players are wonderful ways to pass the time. Listening to complete strangers sing along to music you can’t hear, and don’t want to hear, are not. If you have your iPod on out in public, keep your mouth shut. Sorry, but humming is not allowed either.

2. Be aware of other people and your surroundings when your ear buds are in. People are notorious for suddenly going blind the minute their ears are connected to headphones. If you want to lose yourself in your latest downloads, don’t do it while someone is trying to have some sort of social interaction with you. Worse than losing yourself, you’ll lose friends.

3. With regard to digital cameras, web cams, or video cameras, see #5 under Cell Phones.