New 2023 Etiquette Classes in Ontario

New Classes Begin in the Inland Empire August 22nd

I’ll Be Back Soon

I will be back soon! In the meantime, you can read all sorts of ad-free etiquette and etiquette related articles, curated by me, on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Graber Olive House in Ontario California is still closed, due to Coronavirus concerns. We are sorry we cannot offer our Etiquette Seminars or Classes at this time. For Online Zoom Classes, please email us at RsvpInstitute@gmail.com

Etiquette and Agony Aunt Advice

“Once upon a time two women went room hunting in a lodging house at a certain summer resort...” Not these two, but two others. – Ruth Cameron was a no-nonsense, “Agony Aunt” who had and advice column called “The Morning Chit-Chat” in early 20th century newspapers.

Sensitiveness May Be Cowardice

ONCE upon a time two women went room hunting in a lodging house at a certain summer resort. At one house they were shown a very pleasant room, neat, attractive, well furnished and fairly reasonable in price, and the woman for whom the search was being conducted seemed almost persuaded. “I like this room immensely.” she said to the hostess, who had been unusually agreeable and courteous in showing the room. “I am almost sure I will take it, but I must consult my husband. I’ll let you know by Thursday.” 

That was Tuesday. On Wednesday another house hunter came to this house and fairly fell in love with the room in question. She was told that another party had the refusal of it. She urged the hostess not to mind that. “If you will only let me have the room, I'll take it today for the whole summer,” she promised. But the hostess, being new at the business, and having an unusual sense of honor, said she must wait until she heard from the other party. Whereupon the applicant, not being in a position to wait, went elsewhere. That was two months ago. The woman who had the refusal of the room has not telephoned yet. Needless to say, she never meant to. Indeed, she was scarcely out of earshot before she confided to her companion: “I knew that room wouldn’t be big enough, but she was so pleasant that I didn’t want to tell her that. I am so sensitive.”

“But won't you hate to telephone?” inquired the companion. “Oh, my dear, I shan’t telephone her. If she doesn’t hear by Thursday, she’ll know I’m not coming. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive (with a smile that showed how proud she was of just that), but I simply can’t bear to hurt people’s feelings.” Do you know what that woman reminds me of? Of the kind of folks who are so sensitive that they can't bear to chloroform or otherwise dispose of their pet cats, but are quite willing to leave the poor creatures to shift for themselves and probably be killed by dogs or die of starvation or rabies. 

You don’t see the parallel between the two? I do. They both display that peculiar kind of tenderheartedness which makes its possessor cruel instead of kind. Do you know whose feelings that woman was really afraid of hurting? Simply her own. She didn't want to make the effort of saying a firm, decided “No,” so she shiftlessly slid out of the situation in that cowardly way. When the fear of hurting anyone’s feelings makes you deceitful and blind to their best interests, you may be pretty sure that it’s your own feelings that you are really guarding. 

Suppose a surgeon should look at a mortifying finger and say, “I know I ought to cut that off, because, if I don’t, the trouble will spread to the whole arm, but I can't bear to hurt the patient.” Suppose a doctor should say, “I know that’s the only medicine that will cure the patient, but it’s so bitter I hate to ask him to take it.” The tenderneartedness that is straightforward, honest and cruel to be kind, if necessary, is certainly a virtue, but the sentimental, deceitful tenderheartedness that is kind, and thereby cruel, is very much nearer a vice. — By Ruth Cameron, 1912 

Etiquette and the Recipe for a Garden Tea-Themed Bridal Shower

A stunning shower gift from the mother of the bride-to-be was  this bouquet brooch to be used at the rehearsal: Said Peggy, "Rather than the traditional ribbon bouquet that many people make at the shower for the bride’s wedding rehearsal, I made a brooch bouquet out of brooches that were mine and I asked both grandmothers to donate a brooch as well. I made this about a month before the shower as it was a little time consuming. I presented it to Kelly just before she opened her shower gifts. I also gave little history on the significance and tradition of giving a brooch to a bride. It turned out very pretty and we had it sitting out next to the guest book at the wedding."

The etiquette rule used to be that the bride's family members could attend the bridal showers, but not host them, nor plan them in anyway. Those rules went the way of June Cleaver ~ They left the building.

Peggy, with her daughter Kelly, posing at the shower

Nowadays, family members do participate and sometimes in a pinch play hostess. In many cases they are "blended family" members now too. They also offer space if they have the house large enough to get everyone together in one place at one time.  This is no easy trick in the 21st century!

Sadly, illness kept me from attending the bridal shower, that was given  last August, for my niece. I had really been looking forward to it and when I later saw the photos and read about the details, I knew I had to post something on it. Also, January is National "Hot Tea Month." Did you know?

A garden tea luncheon was my sister in-law Peggy's idea. Peggy was playing off of Kelly’s wedding theme of a "Royal Garden Wedding" and Kelly does love tea. So the theme was not a complete surprise for Kelly. Her mother told her about some of the details, but not everything. She did want a few things left as surprises for her the day of the shower.

Peggy said, "I used Archive Rentals for the flowers and the place settings. I picked out mixed-matched floral china, silverware and stemware. I had cards printed with “As rosemary is to the spirit, so lavender is to the soul” and attached a fresh cut sprig of rosemary and lavender and tucked that into the napkin at each place setting." Simply gorgeous!

The table decorations and centerpieces were birdcages arranged with bright multi-colored flowers (these were then reused at the post-wedding cocktail area, though decorated with the same flowers selected for the wedding). Peggy had hoped to give them away to guests to take home, but it seems the florist’s helpers packed them up after the cocktail hour, and they were unable to get to them by the end of the wedding.

One of the many tables set with the bird cage floral arrangements.

Peggy has a very spacious home, and though she was not playing hostess to the shower, as a few of Kelly's closest friends were, she had enough room to use garden animal statues around the room, (frogs, turtles, birds, rabbits, etc...) and then mylar flower balloons that grouped around the statues. Peggy's idea was to create a whimsical garden indoors. She also used a few mylar butterfly and ladybug balloons to complete the look.

Kelly sat under a garden arch and Peggy suspended a crown with a veil in the arch. At the foot of her chair was a frog prince statue.

Bride-to-be Kelly opening one of many gifts.

For activities, a photo booth was created with fun accessories to use in the photos and an Instagram sign with Kelly’s wedding # to post the pictures was also used.

           

Kelly and friends mugging it up for the Instagram Photo Booth. (L to R) are Penney, Alexa, Kelly, Brenna, Casey, and Jamie

Peggy also had a table to create one's own tea: She set bowls out of different teas, and using provided tea bags, guests could scoop tea and make their own blends.

Said Peggy, "We also provided labels and tea tins that I had found, to put them in. This was a big hit!"

Each guest received a china tea cup and saucer (each one was different) along with detailed instructions on how to brew the perfect cup of tea. Also a tea pouch personalized with autumn leaves and “Falling in love” Kelly & Casey 10/4/14

   

Of course, Peggy asked good friend, Chef Cathy McKnight, to help with the menu and she provided everything as a gift to Kelly.

The cake looked fabulous. Peggy found the beehive cake pan at Victoria Trading Company online. After showing it to Cathy, it was made as a lemon pound cake with a lemon liqueur glaze. Cathy added the adorable honey spoon with the bee on it!

The Menu:

Quiche Lorraine

Quiche bacon & cheddar in potato crust

Egg salad on brioche

Chicken salad with green apples on croissant

Watercress & butter tea sandwiches on squaw bread

Aloha salad with fresh pineapple, macadamia nuts and poppy seed dressing

Mini cheesecakes

Lemon bars

Heath crunch brownie bites

"Frog Prince" cookies

               

Also served were iced tea, lemonade, a signature cocktail and Kelly’s favorite- Irish Breakfast tea.

Princess Kelly

Yum! Chef Cathy McKnight poses with her daughter, Shannon Quiring and good friend, Cindy Beck.

Bridal Shower Etiquette of Yesteryear

“Allied to the afternoon tea are various phases of informal daytime entertaining. For example, there is the "shower" for a bride-elect ("linen," "culinary," or what you will). A friend of the bride-to-be invites a coterie of girl friends to meet the guest of honor, giving each girl time to provide some beautiful or useful gift, the presentations to be made with amusing ceremonies.”

“The "thimble bee," a favorite diversion of the quiet matronly set, each one bringing her own bit of needlework to while away an hour or so in pleasant conversation. One of the number may read aloud, with pauses for comment at will. The thimble bee is a modern version of the good old-fashioned "spend the afternoon and take tea." Both the shower and the thimble bee may be given in the forenoon, if preferred." From 1919, Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette” 


A good many years ago a friend of a young woman who was about to be married decided that the only gift she could afford was too slight an offering to express the love and good wishes that she felt. Knowing that there were other friends who felt the same way she called them together and suggested that they present their gifts at the same time. Then and there the idea of the "shower" was born.

The custom has prevailed and in most instances to-day the shower has a special purpose, such as the linen shower or the kitchen shower or the book shower. It is a very charming way of presenting gifts that would seem too trifling if they were presented alone. Intimate friends of the bride are the guests at a shower. It is usually a very informal affair and nearly always a surprise to the bride. The gifts may be hidden in a Jack Horner pie, they may be wrapped in all sorts of odd packages, or they may be presented in any of a hundred and one attractive ways. Originality in this, as in all entertainments, is greatly to be desired.

The young lady who is honored with a shower thanks the guests verbally, and afterwards she may write each of them a little note expressing her gratitude. It is necessary to do so if the affair was an elaborate one and the gifts were expensive.” From 1924 Lillian Eichler's “Book of Etiquette / Volume I” 


“It is not uncommon for a bride-elect to receive a few engagement presents. (These are entirely apart from wedding presents which come later.) A small afternoon teacup and saucer used to be the typical engagement gift, but it has gone rather out of vogue, along with harlequin china in general. Engagement presents are usually personal trifles sent either by her own very intimate friends or by members of her fiancé's family as especial messages of welcome to hers—and as such are very charming. But any general fashion that necessitates giving engagement as well as wedding presents may well be looked upon with alarm by those who have only moderately filled pocketbooks!” From Emily Post's 1922, “Etiquette”

A Good Housekeeping Magazine article account of a 1907 bridal shower, courtesy of @GeroDynamics

             

Tying the Knot with Personal Style and Panache

Kelly's and Casey's first dance as a married couple.

Though the statistics tell us that fewer couples are getting married these days, and are merely cohabitating, my calendar and my Twitter feed paint a different picture; That tying the knot and weddings in general, are more popular than ever now. The most recent wedding I attended, was by far one of the most fun and the most unique weddings I have ever been too.

The Casey's groomsmen's waistcoats were ordered from the UK, as that was the only place my sister in-law and niece could find his family tartan.

Being a family member's wedding, my niece's to be exact, I thought it would be rather similar to my nephew's wedding back in March.  Both were at beautiful, beach locations (my nephew's wedding was at The Resort at Pelican Bay and my niece's at The St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort and both were fortunate to have unseasonably warm weather). Both had Irish and Italian traditions woven into the ceremonies and foods. Both my nephew and niece were marrying a "Casey." Both weddings were lovely. But that's where the similarities ended.

Kelly, with my big brother, at her engagement party and then dancing with her at the wedding reception.

Now, my older brother and I have always shared the same sense of humor. He shares it with his daughter as well. This wedding had Kelly's personality and sense of humor written all over it, along with her mother's excellent taste.

From the moment we arrived and were greeted with champagne, complimentary sunglasses (this was scheduled overlooking the beach at sunset) and took one look at the cover of the program, I knew this wedding would be fun. It was also a wedding at which we felt the hosts and bride and groom were actually honored by our "presence," (as the invitations generally read) and not simply our "presents," as so many weddings these days tend to make the guests feel.  

We mingled with family members we hadn't seen for ages, and by the time we sat down and looked through our programs, I knew we would remember this particular wedding very fondly.

Listed under "the cuteness" in the programs, were the ring bearer and flower girls. As one of the bridesmaids bowed out after becoming pregnant and realizing she'd have a 3 month old and wasn't quite sure what size she'd be for her dress, etc..., the bride's mother came up with the idea of having the new baby be a very young flower girl, with her "Flower Momma Escort" carrying her while escorting the next youngest flower girl who was only 4 years old. This was a first for me. Adorable!

The  "early drafts" of their "personalized vows" were funny and everyone was commenting on the Mad Libs... before, during and after the wedding ceremony.

The program's"early drafts" of their vows...

Exchanging the real vows (above) and the parents of the bride, Peggy and Kevin (below)

Not only was the reception dining room beautiful, but according to the enthusiastic St. Regis employee who showed us the way to the room, "Everything was brought in for this wedding! It's really something. Even the furniture in this lobby area was brought in! It is normally pretty empty, other than large potted plants." He then took us into the dining area, which was still being set up. He said he had wanted to see it after it was done, and he pointed to the two large family crests hanging on the wall. "Those were brought in specially for this wedding too. It's fantastic!" I had to agree. When I had lunch with my sister in-law and niece a few weeks back, they confirmed what I had been told about everything they had carefully chosen to suit them, right down to the furniture. 

The place settings were not only beautiful, but correctly done! Bejeweled menu cards corresponded to what each guest had picked for his or her main course: Red was for beef, a blue~green was for fish, etc... I loved the note of thanks to each guest at the table on the personalized place cards. Those were a nice touch!

Kelly and her mother, my sister in-law Peggy, went out and chose comfortable furniture to be brought in for those guests who wanted a break from the music or just wanted to relax peacefully after dinner, and away from the merriment. My brother and his wife had chosen seating for the eldest family members (the grandparents, great aunts, great uncles and such) so that they would not be sitting by any loud speakers blasting music at them, and so that they had easy access to and from the dining area. 

Large baskets with complimentary flip-flop sandals, in every imaginal size and color, were out in the lounge area after the dancing started, so that we could relieve ourselves of uncomfortable heels and dress shoes and really enjoy ourselves. "Alice in Wonderland" inspired treats and beer for guests to drink and nibble on, had tags hanging from them, reading "Drink Me" and "Eat Me" out in the lounge area too. Kelly and her mother, Peggy, really did think of everything to make their guests feel comfortable.

The Irish Ale was offered up with miniature cookies decorated with the Italian family crest.

But that was after a delicious dinner, along with entertainment by traditional Irish dancers, the traditional father daughter dance (my brother's speech and toast to the couple, was funny and touching... I really loved it) and a dance with the groom and his mother, the tossing of the bouquet and garter, a most unusual wedding cake of assorted goodies (Irish porter cake, Italian almond cookies, spumoni flavored macarons, chocolate, pistachio and cherry chocolate fountain and dipping bites), a taco bar, a cigar bar, and my personal favorite of the evening, grilled cheese sandwiches with thick cut bacon that were brought out by the wait staff to each table later in the evening. Those were delicious!

I asked Cliff, who often judges wines at local and international competitions, if he liked the wine choice and I got this goofy grin. I guessed that was a "yes."

With beautiful and carefully chosen floral arrangements, personal touches including nods to both the families' heritages, and every effort made to make sure the guests all were comfortable and had a good time, the O'Brian wedding experience is one that many a memory will treasure.

The bride and groom share a laugh before cutting the cake. I don't think I have ever seen my niece looking so happy and relaxed.

Dancing the night away.

The Etiquette of Responding to Invitations

This will sound strange, I am certain, but I would like to invite you to  a large party with some very important people. There will be fabulous food and scintillating conversation. Will you be able to attend?"

Imagine you are standing face to face with a friend, coworker, neighbor, relative, in-law, whomever... You invite your him or her to your _____________ (birthday party, wedding, anniversary party, all expense paid vacation to some delightful destination... you fill in the blank). This person can hear you.  This person is not blind, nor mute. However, this person stands speechless there in front of you. In fact, there is no discernible response on his or her face. It gets uncomfortable. 

"Look, Violet, this is getting a bit weird. Whatever our differences, I know you will enjoy this party! It is important to me that you join the family there."

You restate the invitation, adding, "I really need to know if you can come, as there is ____________ (a lot of planning involved, a lot of expense involved, a limited guest list, a short amount of time to get your passport and visa in order... you fill in the blank). This person still does not respond. You walk away confused, hurt, angry or _________ (you fill in the blank). This is exactly what happens when people do not respond to written invitations!

"You haven't had a stroke or something, have you?! I just saw you blink. Will you attend the party, or not?"

When I train new etiquette instructors, I encourage them to somehow incorporate their biggest etiquette pet peeve into their new business' names. My reasoning? It will be a constant reminder of why they embarked on their new careers and it is a great conversation starter. I learned both of these things when I started The R.S.V.P. Institute of Etiquette in 1990. 

I had always assumed that people were lazy by not responding to RSVP requests, or simply rude by responding that they'd be coming and then not showing up, or vice versa. As it turned out, I found the majority of people are ignorant to the actual meaning of an RSVP request. After starting my business, I became used to queries like, "I can never remember what RSVP means... Am I supposed to call if I'm not going? Or if I am going?" Even cashiers who took business checks from me would often ask (and some still do) similar questions. 

Then there was the mother of twins who invited my daughter to their birthday party. The mother repeatedly asked, "Is there a problem?" each of the 3 times I stated that I was RSVP'ing to the invitation. It was like playing a bizarre round of, "Who's on first?" I finally said, "On the party invitation there is a preprinted 'R.S.V.P.' and you wrote your phone number next to it. Right?" her baffled response, "Yes. Isn't that where my phone number is supposed to go?" Or the times my siblings and I hosted 75th birthday parties for our parents. For both occasions, invitees had 3 ways to respond to them; reply to me at my rsvpinstitute email account, mail the response card (already stamped and addressed to me at The RSVP Institute of Etiquette), or call me at 800-891-RSVP. Yet I still frustratingly had to call several people to ask, "Will you be joining us?"

So with that in mind, here are some wise words and advice from other etiquette enthusiasts on responding to invitations:

     

“When we receive a written invitation, we must answer immediately whether we accept or not, although silence may be considered equivalent to an acceptance. In the latter case, we should give a plausible reason of our declining, and do it with politeness. When the invitation is verbal, we must avoid being urged; for nothing is more foolish and disobliging; we ought either to accept or refuse in a frank and friendly manner, offering some reasonable motive for declining, to which we should not again refer. It is not allowable to be urged, except when we are requested to dine with someone whom we have seen only at the house of a third person, or when we are invited on a visit or other similar occasion. In the former case, if we accept, we should first leave a card in order to open the acquaintance. Having once accepted, we cannot break our engagement, unless for a most urgent cause.” From Elisabeth Celnart's “The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment, Dedicated to the Youth of Both Sexes” 1833

“A well-bred man, receiving an invitation to dine with a friend should reply to it immediately, whether he accepts or declines it.”  From Cecil B. Hartley's “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness / Being a Complete Guide for a Gentleman's Conduct in all / his Relations Towards Society” 1860 

“The answer to invitations to dine, accepting or declining, should be sent immediately, and are always addressed to the lady. If, after you have accepted an invitation, anything occurs to render it impossible for you to go, the lady should be informed of it immediately. It is a great breach of etiquette not to answer an invitation as soon after it is received as possible, and it is an insult to disappoint when we have promised.” From Arthur Martine's "Martine's Hand-book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness” 1866 

"Balls, evening parties, soirees, receptions, or whatever else they may be called, are entirely arranged and controlled by Fashion and her administrators. The hired master of ceremonies, the upholsterer, the florist, the pastry-cook and confectioner, are, in fact, the dispensers of modern hospitality, if we may be permitted the sacrilegious use of that sacred word in such a connection. 

The ordinary evening parties or balls of our large cities are so much alike, that a dame whisked off, in the old mysterious way of the fairy-books, from one to the other, and set down within the arms of a fresh cavalier, would hardly be conscious of a change even in the pair of mustaches by which her cheek is titillated in the waltz. 

Cards are generally issued from ten days to four weeks before the ball or dancing-party to the various persons on the fashionable list, supplied by a Brown or some other hired undertaker of public ceremonials. This is the usual form of invitation, engraved upon a card or written upon note-paper:"Mrs. A. [or B.] requests the honor [or pleasure] of Mr.T's company on the evening of __, at half past eight o'clock. R. S.V.P." 

The hour is more frequently left unmentioned; and, even when specified, the guest is not expected to be punctual. None but the most intimate friends think of going to a formal and fashionable party, where there is to be dancing, before half past nine or ten o'clock, and an invited person may enter with propriety at any hour, however late, during the night. 

Whether an answer is requested or not by the letters R.S.V.P. (repondez, sil vous plait—" answer, if you please"), it must be sent in a day or two, and written in the same formal style as the invitation, the acceptance of which may be thus expressed: "Mr. T. accepts with pleasure the polite invitation of Mrs. A. for the evening of _______ ." 

A refusal should be written as follows: "Mr. T. regrets that he can not accept the polite invitation of Mrs. A. for the evening of ________."When an invitation is accepted, it must be, if possible, faithfully complied with. It is not seldom that an invited person takes an uninvited friend to a ball or evening dancing-party, but he ought not to do so without first asking permission of the giver of it. As he is not likely to be refused, he must hold himself entirely responsible for the character and conduct of his companion, who, previous to and after the party, should send a card.  From "Bazar Book of Decorum" 1870              

Well-bred people do not use R.S.V.P. on dinner invitations. Your guests will have sufficient politeness to reply without having their attention abruptly called to it." From "Mrs. Rorer's New Cook Book" 1898

“As to the use of "R.S.V.P.," or any of the phrases now preferred by many, as, "Please reply;" "The favor of an answer is requested," etc., this may be said: some authorities claim that all invitations should be answered; and that therefore these requests for a reply are a reflection on the good manners of the people invited. But such is not the popular understanding. All invitations that are plainly limited to a certain number of guests, as dinners, card parties, and certain exclusive receptions, should be answered at once, in order that vacancies may be filled. Whether the invitation is accompanied with the request for a reply or not, all thoughtful people will recognize the propriety. But on many occasions where numbers are not necessarily limited, only the hostess can say whether the reply is urgent or not; since it is a question of her personal convenience, the limits of house-room, or some other individual matter. As no one class of entertainments is given always under the same conditions, it is well to allow the hostess to choose whether she will add or omit the request for a reply to her invitations. Meanwhile, the punctilious may reply to every invitation of a strictly social character, and even if the host or hostess did not expect it, such reply can give no offense; whereas, the neglect of a necessary reply might prove very awkward and annoying.”  From Agnes H. Morton's “Etiquette” 1919

Formal Acceptance Or Regret Acceptances or regrets are always written. An engraved form to be filled in is vulgar—nothing could be in worse taste than to flaunt your popularity by announcing that it is impossible to answer your numerous invitations without the time-saving device of a printed blank. If you have a dozen or more invitations a day, if you have a hundred, hire a staff of secretaries if need be, but answer "by hand." From  Emily Post's “Etiquette” 1922

Judith Martin, aka "Miss Manners"

Issuing and Honoring Invitations

"Reply early and win a prize!" this exhortation was reported to Miss Manners by a gentleman of her acquaintance who found it not on the back of a cereal box, but on an otherwise conventionally engraved and worded wedding invitation from respectable friends. Oh. A new social form. A new version of "The favour of a reply is requested" or "Répondez s'il vous plaît" No doubt, it will soon catch on and be abbreviated as "R.e.w.p."

A width of smelling salts soon restored Miss Manners, and she was kindly helped up from the floor and into a chair. When she was feeling quite herself again, she reflected that such is the logical outcome of a situation she has long been following with dismay.

Traditionally, social invitations contained no instructions whatsoever about replying. Common sense and common decency so obviously required allowing party givers to know who would attend that it would have been insulting to point this out. How much humanity does it require to recognize the callousness of friends' ignoring your hospitable overtures? However, it is gotten harder and harder to insult people assuming that they have no manners or consideration, and so the "R.s.v.p." was born -- the discrete reminder in the corner of the invitation yes, we really do care this time.

This conceded that it was not worth the effort to get replies for certain types of parties, and so hosts would concentrate their forces on the important ones. The trade-off was a willingness to pay for wasted cocktail party hors d'oeuvres if they could get a head count for expensive dinners. It wasn't successful, and even more coercion was attempted. The horrible preprinted "R.s.v.p." card, already stamped, was included so that the guest wouldn't be taxed with the job of writing. Telephone numbers were supplied. Then there was "Regrets only," an oddity that puts the host in the amusing position of assuming that everyone who refuses regrets having to do so.

None of these ploys works, as Miss Manners is constantly hearing from desperate hosts. All she can advise them to do is telephone the people they invited and politely state, "We do hope we'll have the pleasure of seeing you next Saturday". Miss Manners' confidence that this would produce shame, or at least results, in the delinquent guests seems to have been unfounded. People who have tried it report that the supposedly cornered guests reply airily, "Well, we'll try to make it."

That bribery is now being attempted in order to force people to answer wedding invitations should not be a surprise. Miss Manners is only waiting to hear about lawsuits in which hosts will attempt to recover from prospective guests the expense of providing for those who refuse to indicate whether they will attend. From "Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn of the Millennium" 1983

Letitia Baldrige
The late Letitia Baldrige once said, ''Entertaining is the most basic part of human communication. It's the way we please each other.'' And when it comes to the RSVPs for entertainments we are invited to, as a society, what we have here is a failure to communicate. 

RSVPs

This is one French expression that just about everyone who has ever gone to a special event knows. In the world of etiquette, it's right up there with 'please' and 'thank you.' 

When An RSVP Is Unnecessary

Formal or informal invitations to cocktail parties or teas don't require an acceptance unless an RSVP is included. For these events, many hostesses may even indicate "regrets only" as a way of keeping a rough head count.
Among close friends, it's fine to call and RSVP to an informal event or holiday gathering. From Kate Spade's "Manners" 2004

"A timely response to an RSVP is vital because the hostess plans the menu around the number of people to serve." From Sue Fox's "Etiquette for Dummies" 2011

Offering timely responses to RSVPs 

The RSVP has always been a request for response, and it still is. An invitation warrants a response, usually by a specific date. When people are planning an event and honor you with an invitation, show the same respect by responding to their invitation. Let people know you received their invitation and either accept it or decline it." From Donna Fisher's "Professional Networking for Dummies" 2011

New Youth Etiquette Classes for Spring

   

The RSVP Institute of Etiquette’s newest coed “Teen and ‘Tween” Course at the Graber Olive House in Ontario is on Sundays, starting April 13th. The fee for the three, 2-hour classes (April 13, Apr. 27th & May 4th) is $70.00 per student. Classes are from 2:30 to 4:30 p.m. The fee covers all classes, foods & handouts. 

The classes focus on:

• Key Skills~ Basic Manners, including; Introductions & Responses

• Dining Skills & Table Manners (w/foods to practice dining skills) 

• Manners; Home & Abroad, Cultural Diversity, Respect for Others 

• Deflecting Peer Pressure, Tech Etiquette, “Thank you" notes

• Social Media Manners, Cell Phone Manners, Text Manners, etc... 

• Making Eye contact, Developing Great Posture & Good Grooming

Questions? Email rsvpinstitute@gmail.com 

Call RSVP Institute: 909 923-5650 

      The Graber Olive House is located at: 315 E. Fourth Street, Ontario 91764   Phone  909-983-1761      

Call or email by April 10th to secure registration!