Tea Expertise from the Palace

My husband Cliff has always detested marzipan. I could never get him to have any until these (upper right) arrived. He absolutely loves these Buckingham Palace marzipan fruits! He ordered some for me, along with their chocolates, for Valentine’s Day. I got him to try one and subsequently placed an order for him for this past Father’s Day. He still loves the biscuits, but the marzipan is right up there on his list. These fruits remind me of the marzipan fruit my mother used to make at Christmas when I was very little. My granddaughters are quite crazy for them too.

I was able to use these lovelies for “What Have We Here?” book photo shoots in February. – Sterling berry, cherry, strawberry forks, gilded sterling nut dishes, one lone olive fork and a petit fours server.

Yesterday I found an email from the Official Royal Gift Shop and the Royal Collection Trust. The invitation to “Become a Tea Expert” caught my eye. As I love the Royal Collection chocolates and my husband loves the marzipan and biscuits, I thought I’d share these tips:

                        Become a Tea Expert

All you need to know about selecting a tea blend and preparing the perfect cup of tea. Become a tea expert with our tips on choosing the right blend, preparing your tea, and what to serve with your favourite blend.

Make the perfect cup of tea

• Store tea in a cool, dark place away from strong odours. A tea caddy is ideal.
• For the best results, we recommend using high quality loose leaf tea.
• Always use freshly boiled water. For black tea, use water at 95-98 degrees centigrade. For green, white or oolong teas, use water which is just off the boil, around 80 degrees centigrade. You can achieve this by leaving the water for 3-5 minutes after the kettle has boiled.
• Fine quality leaf teas always taste better when made in a teapot. Our top tip - make sure you warm the teapot first.
• Water quality varies widely, and soft or hard water will make a tea taste different. It’s best to experiment to find a tea that suits your water. Using a water filter will generally improve the quality of your drink.
• Add one slightly heaped teaspoon of tea leaves per person, and infuse for at least three minutes. Of course, this varies depending on personal taste, and for a stronger flavour you might add an extra teaspoon ‘for the pot’.
• Adding milk last allows you to judge the correct amount.

I needed some treats for photos and these fit the bill: The chocolates are on a favorite antique, hand painted, china plate from the 1920’s, in an Art Deco and Egyptianesque design. It’s paired with a gilded sterling bonbon spoon. The chocolates from the Royal Collection shop are always fresh and I can’t suggest one over the other of these two different choices. They are all sinfully delicious. The dark chocolate mints just melt in the mouth. The Rose and Violet creams are rich and so unique. Well worth ordering for a truly different gift. If you havent been on the Royal Collection shop website, it’s a lovely diversion from reading the online news of the day, and you just might see something you’d like to try. 

Etiquette Research finds Psych Assessment

“It is a psychology in which the gun woman fluctuated between the eternal feminine, and a fierce banditry that surpassed many crime-hardened men… What unmistakable signs of her character might be read in the ‘fixings’ of the house-sure index to a woman’s psychology, whether she be crime expert or society queen?”

I often have to remind my husband of an unfortunate truth in the world of suburbia; In society, a man is judged by the size of his house and the landscaping around it, the cars his family drives, and the schools his children attend. A woman is judged by how well-groomed the children are, the children’s manners and the condition of the inside of the home and its decor. In other words, if my husband wants to make a big mess in the house, do it in a room that I don’t entertain in. He wont be judged for it, but I will be. And, could he please clean up the yard and sweep out the garage?!?

Do women care how they appear to others? Do women seek social approval? Yes. I believe women do. Men do as well, but 100 years ago, I think women cared much more. When I found this article, I had to share it with my readers. I’m sharing only part of it, but the whole article is worth reading, so I may repost it in full at a later date. It’s from The Los Angeles Herald, 26 November 1918  

BANDIT TASTES SWING FROM MURDER TO ETIQUETTE 

Strange Psychologies of Slain Pair Revealed by Inspection of Home They Furnished 

SOUGHT SOCIAL APPROVAL 

Jewel Jones, Who Killed Deputy Sheriff, Studied Correct Manners at Table

The strange psychology of two “super-bandits,” in which bold criminal traits were curiously interwoven with instincts to win social approbation, became known today through the study of the books, music and decorations in the house of Dale Jones and his girl wife at Sierra Madre.

It is a psychology in which the gun woman fluctuated between the eternal feminine, and a fierce banditry that surpassed many crime-hardened men. Jones and his wife, Jewel Celano Jones, aged 21 and 20 respectively, were killed last week at Sierra Madre in a gun fight with officers.

Later the police learned that they had been living in the little foothill town, lying in wait for a detective who had, a year or so ago, caused Jones’ arrest. The bandits had coldly and deliberately planned to kill this man for revenge.

 PSYCHOLOGISTS INTERESTED

But in their leisure time between crimes, they had rented and fur nished a house, had collected a library and bought a large number of music records.

These facts, becoming known after it was learned that the two were wanted in two states for numerous and atrocious crimes, have created widespread interest among psychologists and students of criminology.

What music held the interests of the two bandits in their spare time between crimes? On what books did they feed their minds-say, perhaps, after some “job” in which they had murdered a fellow man?

What unmistakable signs of her character might be read in the “fixings” of the house-sure index to a woman’s psychology, whether she be crime expert or society queen? The library collected by the two super-bandits is, perhaps, the most illumining as to their mental and moral twists…

The State of British Table Manners in 2009

British table manners in a plate of crisis as fewer households fork out for knives.

USING a knife and fork at the table was regarded as an essential component of dining etiquette – as crucial as not eating with your mouth open. But research suggests the cutlery double act is being split up as sales figures show forks outselling matching knives by almost two to one. It seems using a knife and fork is rapidly becoming a thing of the past, as British families emulate the American “fork-only” dining habit, according to a new report.

“What do you mean you won't be using your knife and fork together?  And what do the Yanks have to do with it anyway!?”

British dining etiquette is disappearing thanks to the soaring popularity of the US-style eating habits, a slump in dining out and supermarket ready meals.  The report says that the increasing popularity of pre-cut pizzas, chips, burgers and pasta – all dishes where a knife is not required – is to blame. 

Read Tanya Thompson's analysis here: 

The US-style trend emerged after Debenhams' sale figures revealed that large, main meal forks were outselling their matching knives by almost two to one across the retailer's 155 UK stores.  Further investigation revealed that London stores were spearheading the trend, with customers buying almost three forks to every knife.

So great is the trend that the department store chain Debenhams has decided to launch a Civilised Dining campaign to protect the traditional British way of eating.  Debenhams' spokesman Ed Watson said the store's research revealed that the popularity of fast food is the biggest culprit for abandoning traditional etiquette.

“Bad table manners can turn an enjoyable meal into an embarrassment.”

“Bad table manners can turn an enjoyable meal into an embarrassment. Using both a knife and a fork to eat has held this country in good stead for centuries – it's one of the mainstays of being British. It's all about maintaining standards, so we want to act now before the single fork habit becomes ingrained in the next generation.”

Further research showed that almost 32 per cent of customers bought fewer knives because they now preferred to use forks on their own. 

An additional 24 per cent were baffled by place settings and almost 28 per cent did not possess fish knives, and could see no reason for buying them.

“I'm sorry. You mean there is a difference between spoons?”

Nineteen per cent could not tell the difference between soup spoons and dessert spoons and 41 per cent did not realise that the safest and most well-mannered way to eat soup was to push the spoon away from you as you ate.

Debrett's etiquette adviser Jo Bryant said good table manners should be second nature – or should appear to be. “When dining, it is essential to remember your manners and to use cutlery correctly. Bad table manners may offend your fellow diners and cause embarrassment.”

The research suggested the popularity of eating food in front of the television may also be having an impact.  “Burgers seldom require the use of a knife, and ready meals are presented using pre-cut, bite-size portions, which slip easily on to a fork,” Mr Watson added. “Good table etiquette may seem like a trivial matter, but many people in Britain still regard it as an essential life skill.”

As part of the campaign, experts will be on hand from next month to offer advice on the correct form of dining etiquette to help customers at stores throughout the UK. 

This article previously was reposted by Maura J. Graber on the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

From The Scotsman

Gilded Age Dinner Invitation Etiquette

 

Verbal invitations or replies should never be given for formal entertainments. R. S. V. P. should not be put on a dinner invitation. Every well-bred person knows an answer is necessary, and it is a reflection upon good manners to assume that no reply would be given if the request for it were omitted.

Etiquette for Dinner Party invitations from Mrs. Mary Ronald’s 1895 “Century Cookbook”

Invitations are sometimes sent out a month or three weeks in advance, but ordinarily two weeks is sufficient time to secure the guests one wishes to entertain. Courtesy requires a dinner invitation to be answered at once, certainly within twelve hours, but better in less time. This enables the hostess to fill the vacancy in case the invitation is declined. Unconventional people are sometimes unmindful of this obligation, but as a rule those who are accustomed to entertaining recognize the importance of a prompt reply, and answer a dinner invitation immediately.

It is well, when convenient, to send the invitation as well as the reply by hand, so that there may be no uncertainty of prompt delivery; to send either of them by post is, however, permissible.

The answer should be definite, and where a man and his wife are invited, if one of them is unable to accept, the invitation should be declined for both. An invitation should be precise in expression, therefore the prescribed form given below should be exactly followed. It does not belong to the order of social notes; it is simply a formal invitation, and an acceptance should be of the same character. 

Any deviation from the prescribed form is uncalled for and likely to cause criticism. In declining the invitation, however, it is considered more gracious to answer the formal note informally, and, by stating the reason, show that the regret is not merely a perfunctory expression.

Verbal invitations or replies should never be given for formal entertainments. R. S. V. P. should not be put on a dinner invitation. Every well-bred person knows an answer is necessary, and it is a reflection upon good manners to assume that no reply would be given if the request for it were omitted.

It is important also that the reply should repeat, in the same words as the invitation, the date and hour of the dinner, so, if any mistake has inadvertently been made, it may be corrected, thus establishing an exact understanding.

A dinner engagement is the most exacting of any social obligation, and no greater discourtesy can be shown than to break it except for serious cause. – Mrs. Mary Ronald's Century Cook Book, 1895

This article was originally published on the Etiquipedia.blogspot.com

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Tact and the Plumber

     This broken fountain wasn’t outside the high society, Washington home, but as a decoration on the elaborate dining table, on which the dinner was served… “Before the plumber knew what was happening, the guests had entered the dining room, chairs were drawn up. and he suddenly found himself hemmed in by a wall in which trousers alternated with skirts. It was a big round table, so be was safe from discovery from any shifting foot.” 
 

Every once in a while, when doing nightly etiquette history and research for my books and Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia, I find something really amusing. Last night I found a perfect story to share. After reading so much about employees and others signing and or/breaking NDA’s in recent news, I wondered if the $10.00 for this plumber had been enough. Imagine the gossip he heard while attending this dinner, regardless of the fact that he was under the table!

Masterly Inactivity at a Banquet in High Society

Not so very long ago there was a dinner given in exclusive Washington society at which the most tactful person was undoubtedly a plumber in overalls. It was an elaborate dinner. The central feature of the table decorations was a playing fountain, but just before the dinner was to be served the fountain refused to play.

A plumber was hastily called. He crawled under the table and soon had the fountain sending a delicate spray into the air. He was busy tightening the couplings of the temporary pipes under the table when the head butler, his mind relieved of a load of care when he saw the fountain playing, announced in the drawing room: “Dinner is served.” 

Before the plumber knew what was happening, the guests had entered the dining room, chairs were drawn up. and he suddenly found himself hemmed in by a wall in which trousers alternated with skirts. It was a big round table, so be was safe from discovery from any shifting foot. 

He scratched his head and wondered what he should do. He looked carefully around. Neither to the right nor to the left, nor between any pair of feet, was there sufficient space for him to wiggle through. The only way to get out would be to tap on some knee and say, “Pardon me, please.”

He didn't know much about the etiquette of formal dinner parties, but he had a hunch that that wouldn't make a hit. He decided that there was just one thing to do– stay where he was, until the trousers and skirt wall departed. So there he sat while course after course was served, coffee sipped, cigarettes and cigars smoked, nothing to entertain him but a ground floor view of High Society.

When the dinner was at last over and the guests had returned to the drawing room the plumber crawled forth. The hostess had tarried for a moment to give a few directions to the head butler. She gasped with astonishment.. The plumber explained. “Sir,” said she, “you are a gentleman.” Then to the head butler. “James, give this man $10 for himself.” Then to the plumber, “And please say nothing.” –New York Times, 1914

Etiquette and “Women’s Lib”

 

Back in my early teen years, the Women’s Liberation Movement was in full swing, Television comedies starring spunky, single women tackling the balance of life and romance in the big city, were all the rage: “That Girl,” “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” “Rhoda,” etc… Then there were the shows like “Maude,” and a spinoff show, “Good Times” featuring witty, comedic banter with stronger and more vocal female leads, who tackled issues like abortion, single parenthood, widowhood and the Women’s Liberation movement. Just recently I purchased a 1971 copy of “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette,” which tackles not just etiquette, but etiquette and sexuality and the Women’s Lib Movement.

I don’t remember this purple pussy cat being some sort of logo for Cosmopolitan Magazine in the late 1960’s or early 1970’s or the Women’s Liberation Movement, for that matter. But it appears it was, as it’s in the front of “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette” book, and has a whole page to itself. What I do remember about the Women’s Lib movement was the bra burning, which I never really understood. I guess it was supposed to be symbolic, but burning images of the Playboy Bunny logo may have been more effective than burning something that I have found, overall, to be very supportive throughout my life. 

I also remember by the early 1980’s, thinking that many of the women the liberation movement was supposed to be helping to “set free,” seemed very unhappy and truly confused. These women, most 10 to 12 years older than me, were out in the world expressing every thought in their heads and jumping into some questionable beds. They certainly didn’t seem fulfilled in any way and sounded downright inauthentic when sharing their “wildly exciting” exploits. I can’t help but think they may have been happier if they had taken seriously some of the advice at the end of this particular chapter of the Cosmo Girls’ book. It was clearly promoting a social movement, but they may have found the support groups helpful. 

In fact, today’s social movements could use a few etiquette books with similar etiquette tips like these offered in 1971 below. At least these tips offer a way out of conversations one finds uncomfortable in, “Meeting once a week, week after week, in consciousness-raising is a kind of group therapy– free. You discuss what it means to you to be a woman... what it means in our society. . . what is gender.. what should it be? You share emotional experiences…” and my favorite bit of advice, “If you don't dig it, just stop going,” as opposed to succumbing to mobs screaming you down, or outright canceling you or someone else, for not agreeing with their beliefs: 

From “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette,” 1971, Coexisting with Women’s Lib and Good Manners

Coexistence with our militant sisters takes intelligence and tact. You cannot stem the tide of Women's Revolution (should you indeed want to) with insult... naiveté- “It's all too much for my fragile brain” or praise that damns- “Well, I certainly am for equal pay and child care centers, but I wouldn't be caught dead without my bra. . . . What are all these Lesbians up to?”

The Women's Liberation movement is many-splendored, multi splintered, and worthy of sincere attention. Even if you think the general idea is totally outrageous, you cannot defend your position in ignorance. And, like sex and politics. . . the Women's Lib debate is impossible to avoid.

If you don't know much . . . say, “I just don't know.. Tell me what you mean.” And then listen . . . really listen. “Are you willing to be nothing but a sex object?” you may be asked.

“I love being a sex object,” you might reply. “And my husband is a sex object too, and so is Robert Redford. . . . Gender is wonderful. . . but I hope and assume we are more than mere sex objects.”

An ideal way to learn more about the movement is to join a consciousness-raising group, or form your own, and subscribe to some activist publications. Try “Up from Under” and “Liberation.”…  Read a few books: a must is, “Sexual Politics by Kate Millett.”

Meeting once a week, week after week, in consciousness-raising is a kind of group therapy– free. You discuss what it means to you to be a woman... what it means in our society. . . what is gender.. what should it be? You share emotional experiences. Not only do you learn what your sisters are thinking, but you gain friends, identity, kinship, and possibly some surprising insights into your own head. If you don't dig it, just stop going. 

Informal Place Settings are Most Common

“A few of the people you'll meet at every party. It will pay you to get along with them.” — It will also pay to know their names and primary uses so that you can easily “read” your place settings at luncheons and dinner parties. 

Know your spoons– Placing a superfluous teaspoon at a formal dinner setting, is one of the biggest and common mistakes people make when setting the table. Teaspoons, with accompanying cups and saucers, are only found at informal lunch settings, tea settings or breakfast settings. If there is a teaspoon at your place setting, there must be a course for it; a fruit cup or appetizer, a palate cleanser, etc…
If a soup spoon is at the formal place setting, then a soup should be on the menu. And if there is a soup spoon, it should fit the soup type; Bouillon spoons only go with bouillon cups or bowls, cream soup spoons are only placed at settings with low, soup “plates,” etc…

Informal Place Setting Diagram —Only a luncheon or a very informal dinner setting will feature a cup, saucer and teaspoon. At formal dinner parties, coffee or tea are served away from the dining table. The service for coffee, tea or after dinner liqueurs, is brought out after the meal and usually served away from the table.

Eating is the one social activity common to everyone around the globe, but eating and dining are two different things. Practice dining when you are not in public and it will help you to avoid merely eating when among others.

“Table manners grew out of the fact that unless he is eating in a room empty of all but himself, a man eats in company and food is less appetizing if the other fellow's table manners are sloppy and disgusting. It matters little what sort of food is being served, whether the table is loaded with priceless silver and china or tin and graniteware; the simplest meal is made more attractive by the use of good table etiquette.”— From “Manners for Moderns,” 1938

Part of this article was previously published on the Etiquipedia.blogspot

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia