Of Men and Manners Throughout History

More About Men and Manners

An 1882 Gent employing a "mustache guard" while enjoying soup.

Why do women say that men have no manners?

 The majority of etiquette rules as we know them today, are rules created over centuries by men worldwide. The following are a few notable examples of men in history, known for their manners.

Confucius

551-479 BC

"The ancient kings were watchful in regard to the things by which the mind was affected. And so they instituted ceremonies to direct men's aims aright; music to give harmony to their voice; laws to unify their conduct..." Confucius on clarifying manners and civility.

Collin Powell early in his military career

"The use of profane or filthy language is forbidden. A man who cannot express his feelings without profanity is seldom a good leader of men." The Bluejackets Manual 1944

                                                                        

Wally, Eddie, and Ward Cleaver talk college

"Good manners are the instruments that round off the personality of a man so that it is agreeable and it becomes a strong magnet of attraction for fellowship in the business world as well as in campus life."

The Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity 1958

Edward Kennedy's famous nickname denoted his good manners. The moniker "Duke" was given to him by his friends in grammar school, as they thought he had the mannerisms of royalty. It stuck with him throughout his life.

What? You have never heard of this? Surely you have heard of Duke Ellington. His full name was Edward Kennedy Ellington. The American pianist was considered the greatest jazz composer and bandleader of all time. Ellington composed thousands of scores, and is famous for creating one of the most distinctive ensemble sounds in music history. Oh yes... and he had impeccable manners.

He put the "Man" in Manners

Duke Ellington

George Washington's "Rules of Civility"

Throughout history table manners have been important. Even George Washington, our first President, was told to keep his elbows off of the table. Sure, the language was different then. But the meanings and reasons behind most old rules still are important. In Colonial times, just as today, it was better to “Talk not with meat in your mouth!”

The following are just a few of the rules of civility that George Washington learned in school. He copied these onto pieces of paper and his mother sewed them into a notebook. How would they sound in today’s modern language?

How to be polite while talking to people:
"If you sigh, or yawn, do it not loud but privately. Shake not the head. Roll not the eyes. Do not gnaw your nails. Bedew no man’s face with your spittle, by approaching too near him when you speak."

How to be polite while at the table:
"Before and after drinking, wipe your lips. Breathe not then or ever with too great a noise, for it’s uncivil. Let not the morsels be too big for the gowls."

How to be polite while out and about:
"Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you, to see if you be well deck’t. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own
reputation; for ‘tis better to be alone than in bad company."

What you should do at all times:
"Labour to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience."

The "Father of the United States"

George Washington

The famous Dutchman Erasmus, on "Early Table Manners" ......

A Christian educator, scholar & philosopher, Erasmus of Rotterdam, determined that manners were best instilled at an early age.

Here are a few tidbits from the three century best seller, "On Civility in Children" (c.1530):

"Turn away when spitting lest your saliva fall on someone. If anything purulent falls on the ground, it should be trodden upon, lest it nauseate someone."

"To lick greasy fingers or to wipe them on your coat is impolite. It is better to use the table cloth or the serviette."

"Some people put their hands in the dishes the moment they have sat down. Wolves do that."

"You should not offer your handkerchief to anyone unless it has been freshly washed. Nor is it seemly, after wiping your nose, to spread out your handkerchief and peer into it as if pearl and
rubies might have fallen out of your head."
"If you cannot swallow a piece of food, turn around discreetly and throw it somewhere."

"Do not move back and forth on your chair. Whoever does that gives the impression of constantly breaking or trying to break wind."

Wrote "On Civility in Children"

Erasmus of Rotterdam

Who was dubbed the "Father of Courtesy"?

Richard de Beauchamp, the Earl of Warwick was "The Father of Courtesy". Born in 1382, the English nobleman fought for Henry IV against Owen Glendower and the Percys. In 1408 he set out for the Holy Land, visiting monarchs and fighting in a tournament en route; he made a similarly active return trip through various other parts of Europe. Upon his return to England in 1410, Beauchamp performed several royal missions, including that as chief English lay envoy to the Council of Constance. He fought with notable success in Henry V's French campaigns and on Henry's death in 1422, became a member of the council for the infant Henry VI. He then served as tutor to the young king from 1428 to 1437, when he was appointed the lieutenant of Normandy & Fance . Richard de Beauchamp was a man of piety and courtesy and was famed in Europe as a chivalrous knight. His daughter Anne married and brought the earldom to Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick. He died in 1439.

Known across Europe for courtesy.

The Father of Courtesy

British Royal Dining... the Tidbits and Odd Facts

So maybe you'd like to dine like the royal family?  Or possibly attend a dinner at one of their many palaces?  Maybe you dine royally while day dreaming.

    

  If by chance there is ever an opportunity for you to go to dinner with HRH at the palace, here are a few things you may find interesting...  The silver service (aka "The Grand Service") is so large, and so complete with every type of utensil imaginable, it takes eight (yes... eight) palace employees at least three weeks to get ready for setting on the tables.  Though the Grand Service is kept by the Yeoman of the Silver Pantry (that is the actual title) in a controlled atmosphere, each piece still needs to be washed, shined and polished to perfection prior to a State Dinner.

Don't think about asking the Queen to "Please pass the salt."  She has her own salt dip, or salt cellar, and it is not part of the 2,000 plus silver pieces used for a State Dinner. The Queen's is a salt dip that was made by Nicholas Clausen in 1721. 

Page from a the book,"For the Royal Table: Dining at the Palace"
  

   All of this comes from a wonderful book entitled "For the Royal Table: Dining at the Palace" and was created by "The Royal Collection" in Great Britain.  It includes historic menus, royal traditions, the silver, the crystal, the china... everything the royal family has used for the past 500 years.  

From the Royal Collection website, in 2008 announcing the publication of the book there is this..."The style of dining has changed considerably over the centuries, as can been seen from the elaborate menus and recipes from past royal banquets. At a lavish dinner given by Charles II for the Garter Knights at Windsor Castle in 1671, guests were served 145 dishes during the first course, and the catering included 16 barrels of oysters, 2,150 poultry, 1,500 crayfish, 6,000 asparagus stalks and 22 gallons of strawberries." and much more.

The book shows the finger bowls set out for the dessert or fruit course.

Menu for the Wedding Breakfast of King George VI and Queen Elizabeth in 1923

The table gets white glove treatment.

And the white "booty" treatment too!

Here is more from "The Royal Collection" website: "Contemporary photographs show how Royal Household staff, including chefs, footmen, pages, florists and housemaids, guarantee the highest standards of presentation at a State Banquet.   The laying of the table begins two days before the dinner, and each place-setting measures exactly 45cm (18in) across.  During the meal, a system of ‘traffic lights’ keeps the team of footmen and pages synchronised; a blue light communicates ‘stand by’ and an amber light signals ‘serve the food’.  Each guest has six glasses (one each for red wine, white wine, water and port, and two for champagne – one for the toast and one for the pudding course).  A diagram of the arrangement of the glasses guides those who are unfamiliar with the sequence of service.

From the Royal Photograph Collection is a charming series of portraits of Queen Victoria’s footmen and pages, many of whom had started in royal service under her uncle, William IV.  Serving food in a royal palace presented particular challenges. Staff were instructed that ‘trays must be kept level so that there is no spilling of gravy or sauces’.  At Windsor Castle every dish had  to  be  carried  up  narrow  stairs from  the Great Kitchen to  the State Apartments.  The chefs always made twenty extra dishes for each course in case of a disaster.  Following the devastating fire of 1992, the restoration of the Castle included a complete refitting of the kitchen quarters, adding lifts to deliver the food.  Royal Household staff still prepare food in the Great Kitchen, the oldest working kitchen in England, where traditional copper pots from reign of George IV stand alongside high-tech catering equipment."

The book is a great read for anyone following the Royal Family or who is interested in history.

 

On HRH Queen Elizabeth's visit to the West Coast in 1983... "the sound of one hand clapping. Her hands never touch."

Several weeks back, my copy of The Hollywood Reporter arrived and I read of how all Tinseltown was abuzz with the upcoming visit by the Duke & Duchess. In the back of the magazine however, there was a nifty article about the visit by Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip back in February of 1983. An event that The Hollywood Reporter covered at the time.

The glitterati they met was breathlessly listed... Rod Stewart! Frank Sinatra! Joan Collins! Jimmy Stewart! Lucille Ball! Fred Astaire! George Burns!

... along with what Chasen's served; "The dinner menu included: Papaya with Bay Shrimp, Chicken Pot Pie, Fresh Spinach with Bacon and a Toasted Coconut Snowball." A truly odd assortment, to be sure.

Queen Elizabeth II meeting Hollywood luminaries in February of 1983

One of the more humorous quotes came from the magazine at that time, "... one guest described the queen applauding as 'the sound of one hand clapping. Her hands never touch.'" 

But what really had me giggling was the story about Bette Davis and the issue of her not being issued an invitation; "And, of course, in the entitlement department, the royals had nothing on Old Hollywood. Barbara Davis recalls that her late husband, Marvin – who bought Fox in 1981 and hosted the event – was deluged by requests to attend. One came from Bette Davis, who asked why she hadn't received an invitation. The studio owner told her the event was "full up." She replied, "I want a f----ing invitation." Somehow it was arranged, and at the dinner, the actress shook hands with the studio owner on the receiving line and said, "I'm so glad I was able to change my plans so I could attend."  

Jennifer Lopez immediately comes to mind as I read this story again now. According to actress Mary Louise Parker, when asked if she'd met the royal couple at the recent Hollywood BAFTA event, she responded, "I didn't meet them. I was shoved out of the way by Jennifer Lopez. Uh oh, I shouldn't have said that." I guess that green dress Ms. Lopez wore to the event was not the only thing deemed inappropriate about her behavior that evening!

Becoming a Queen in Europe ~ The Dutch "Enthrone" Queens, While the British "Crown" Queens

Did you know... 
The Dutch "Enthrone" Queens, but the British "Crown" their Queens?  

   An odd bit of trivia, to be sure. But as I have an affinity for Dutch silver designs, I thought I'd mention it after seeing this rare photo.  It was taken in 1895 of the young Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands and Queen Victoria of Great Britain. At the time, they were the only female monarchs in Europe.

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